What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is commonly defined as the release of feelings of hurt, resentment or revenge in an intentional and deliberate way. It does not have anything to do with whether the person being forgiven deserves forgiveness. It does not mean forgetting, excusing or condoning the offender and it does not mean that you have to reconcile or allow them in your life. It is an act of releasing debilitating feelings and regaining your power and your peace.
       Anger, resentment, malice, blame and grudges are all legitimate emotions we experience in a world that is often unfair, cruel and intolerant.  Things happen in our lives that make an enduring impact. People treat us in ways that are hurtful, unkind and undeserved. Feeling responsive emotions is natural and needed, however dwelling in those feelings and carrying them forward with us is a heavy burden to bear. It is unnecessary and will drag us down. It can be hard to let go of these emotions though, especially when there has been no vindication or validation of our feelings and no act of repentance or remorse from the offenders. It is a heavy burden that can affect us long-term in many different ways. it blocks us from feelings of joy, can impact our health and actually changes our brain.  Additionally, we sometimes hold some of these feeling with regard to our own actions and past mistakes.  This does as much good as banging your head against a wall, except that in the case of banging our head against a wall, we usually would stop when it hurts enough.  That is more often than not, not the case with holding on to toxic and self-sabotaging emotions. 

​        How can we let go and free ourselves from this burden of toxic and negative emotions and why should we when something really terrible has been done to us?  The "why" is quite simple - because we deserve it! We deserve to let go and put down the burden of past injury and move freely forward. We can do this with forgiveness.  When I talk of forgiveness, I am referring to the letting go of the feelings that are weighing us down and that has little or nothing to do with the offenders who have caused us injury. Feeling compassion, though and just being able to let feeling go is amazingly freeing.  It does not absolve the wrong or the wrong-doer. but allows us to move on to the present time and release the past.  Forgiving yourself is sometimes the most difficult form of letting go.  We can walk away from other people and situations and not be reminded of the past more easily. That is hard to do when the forgiveness and letting go is with ourselves.  If you remember that you are constantly evolving and the person you are today, is not the person you were in the past, it can be easier.  You are letting go of the person you were yesterday to embrace the new and better person you have become. We are different in every moment.  If we have learned from a mistake, it has served us and we can let it go.  Holding on to it serves no purpose.  A man who has a lot of pain due to nephropathy, told me when I asked him why he did not take an aspirin or use other types of pain relief to help him be more comfortable, answered saying -- he felt like he might deserve it.  I know many people have feelings like this that are very hard to let go of. They have become part of their comfort zone and are as much a habit, as anything else.  Still if they can let go of those old feelings, wherever it may have come from, and just be in the present moment, they will free themselves from what does not serve them and move into a better and more resourceful state. 

​        How do you go about forgiving, whether forgiving others or yourself? Where do you start and how do you go about it?  These 8 steps can give you a helpful guide to the process:

1. Awareness and Understanding of your feelings. Why you felt hurt or offended
2. Acknowledging responsibility for any part you may have played in the situation
3. Stepping into the present and leaving remnants of the past behind.
4. Learn from the experience and carry that learning forward.
5. Be objective and non-judgement about the situation
6. Letting go of the feelings with deliberate intention.
7. Choosing to focus on positive thoughts and feelings
8. Being compassionate and wishing the others well in their future.

 
Feeling free of the heavy burden of anger, resentment and grudges is truly worth the effort and release it takes to forgive. It may seem difficult, but peace feels heavenly. I wish you peace!

    Kate Olson, CHt, CPC, founder of Soul Fire Wisdom Life Coaching, Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP, Total Wellness Products. www.soulfirewisdom.com , www.embracechangehypnosis.com , 206-566-1615

​About the Author:
      Consumers Advocate. org is an editorial review company that dedicates their work to vetting hundreds of products and services, and often times the categories they cover are purchases that are important, complex or difficult to research. Their mission is to hope the brands and experiences you choose will improve your life today, tomorrow, and for the future." 

      ​Essential oils seem to be all the rage recently with DIY projects, gift giving and meditation sessions. However, do we have all the information on these adorable potion bottles? For those who are wondering what essential oils are, they are plant and flower extracts that are very concentrated. These are often used for aromatherapy and meditation, as well as, yoga and other practices. However essential oils can be used for DIY safe cleaning products and projects like candle making or even used for beauty, skin care and hair hydration products.
        For essential oils, there are many things you can do in the DYI area, when it comes to beauty and self-care. If you want to mix them into a new beauty or hair product or routine, you must first use a carrier oil with it. Carrier oils are base or vegetable oils that are used to dilute the essential oil of your choosing. It may be olive oil, coconut oil, argon oil (all of which are perfect on their own for your hair or skin). You should mix the essential oil with a larger quantity of the neutral carrier oil in a few droplets. Therefore, by putting the pure essential oil directly on your skin, you avoid any irritation or damage you might, otherwise, experience.
       One of the things you can do with essential oils are recipes to improve your hair health. Our hair is so delicate that it is weakened by chemicals and heat and becomes brittle. It can take a long time for it to recover its capacity and become strong again. Sometimes having a DIY hair mask once in a while, when you take a relaxing bath will do the trick safely and speed up the process. Each oil type has its own characteristics and properties that can add different benefits. Geranium oil is one type of oil that can really help for breakage. And it's not just good for your hair, it smells amazing!
        One essential oil scent in particular is great to make hair shiny and healthy. It helps people with dandruff keep their scalp clean! This oil is the amazing, calming scent of lavender oil. It also has a relaxing effect and properties that are most commonly found in nighttime sleep products. Jojoba oil is perfect to moisturize and repair hair that has been damaged. Once you have mixed the carrier and essential oils, as part of your bedtime routine, you can apply it to your hair as a moisturizing mask.
       If you want to DIY a nice hair mask a combination of olive oil, honey and jojoba oil would be great to make hair look lighter and smoother. The bonus is that it is completely safe!  If you feel like you don’t have all the information to dive into the world of essential oils, including which brands are best, the best advice is educating yourself on the matter! There are resources for that. If you want to know more about the various properties of essential oils, check out this guide that might be very helpful in learning more about the subject and finding the best essential oils.  ​www.https://www.consumersadvocate.org/essential-oils