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Most of us have no desire to be a victim and most of us don’t want to be a bully or victimizer either, yet finding yourself in one of these roles can easily happen without you knowing or intending that to be the case. Why is this? It happens because we are relating to and interacting with others, some of whom are stuck in and constantly repeating these patterns because they have worked in the past and are familiar to them.
The victim role rarely works for anyone in the long run, but in the short run it can seem to be effective and give some satisfying secondary gains. That is not to say that there are not people who are really victimized, but that being in that position usually takes some cooperation and is not ultimately advantageous.
If you are a caring person who wants to help others, you have probably, at least once, found yourself in a position you did not intend, where someone is claiming to be your victim. I recently found myself there and had to evaluate how this happened and accept responsibility for my part in it. Someone asked me for help and I was more than willing to help them. They were likeable and seemed to be sincere. It is my nature to want to help someone, if I can. I did get that little Spidey feeling that they were someone who would use me, but I thought if I was willing there wasn’t any way that it would be harmful. So, I proceeded to help them and after a while I found I was helping them even more than I intended and yes, starting to feel taken advantage of. I tested this out by asking some very small things of them and, of course, they were not willing to reciprocate in any way. So, I pulled back in my willingness and generosity of what I was sharing and what I got was disrespect for my boundaries and resentment for what I wasn’t willing to do for them. "Hmmm?" I thought, "I have created this. haven’t I?"
I had to think about it and came to the conclusion that I had let this person into to my life and decided to engage in this relationship and disregarded my intuition. I had made a faulty judgement in deciding that they could not hurt me, as long as I was willing to help and I had probably done them a disservice in allowing them to use me to accomplish what they were fully capable of doing for themselves. So, it’s on me and I need to extricate myself from the situation and know better the next time.
Does this mean we should not help others? No, but pay attention when you sense that someone has a pattern of using other people. Does this mean that people who are in the habit of using other people and falling into the victim syndrome are bad people? No, it just means that they likely have misjudged their own abilities and have low confidence and therefore, have fallen into this pattern. It has worked in the past and, in general, has the pay back of the sympathy they get when others assume them the victim. It is ultimately quite self-destructive, but until they see that, they feel others are causing them the difficulties they are experiencing.

When you seek to help, make sure you empower and don’t allow dependence. Don’t blame or accept responsibilities for others decisions or behaviors. Support, but encourage responsibility and capability. When you give, give freely without expectation. Be grateful for both what you receive and the opportunity to give. We never have to be a victim, we always have a choice to see things from another perspective and rise to our higher self, seeing clearly the choices and decisions we have made and sometimes the lessons we have learned from them.
If you recognize that you have been victimized or played the victim role in a given situation, note how that felt and make the decision to choose differently next time. If you find that you have a pattern of “being the victim”, ask yourself why you are making that choice. What is the secondary gain that you are getting from making that choice? Is it really working the way you’d like or are you really paying too high a price for what you get from it? You may be deluding yourself as to how you appear to others. While we sometimes see victims in a sympathetic light, we also tend to see them as weak and not in control or inconsequential. Is that image how you want to seen and is it the real you? Does it help you in achieving your ultimate goals and being who you are truly meant to be? These are questions only you can answer, but for most people the answer is clear and can be life changing.
As an empath, I feel people’s pain and it took me a long time to realize that much of it is self-inflicted or accepted by choice, even while doing it myself. There is a saying that “pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice”. I believe this is true and being a victim is certainly a form of suffering we can choose to avoid. I hope you live in your own strength and truth with kindness, compassion, integrity, responsibility, love and acceptance!

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Creativity & Manifesting Your Life's Purpose - The Goldilock's Dilemma

4/16/2018

About the Author: Geraldine Banes was born in the UK, on the Southwestern-Most Peninsula of Wales, close to Ireland. From an early age she was interested in art, design & creative writing. Geraldine got her education in the Art and Design field, married, divorced and then on her own with a small daughter, ended up getting a job with an American company, Microsoft. This brought her to the US. What started out as a short-term contract job turned into a 22-year career with Microsoft. She loved her job and may have stayed, if it were not for a life changing event that made her reconsider everything.
In 2009, at the age of 50, while on business in Britain, Geraldine suffered a heart attack. Her right super dominant artery was 98% clogged with a clot. She had a stent placed, and her femoral artery bifurcated. She realized that she had to change her life. Like the phoenix from the ashes, 2010 was to be her pivotal point. She already had an interest in Alternative Health, specifically Craniosacral Therapy & Reiki as she had found these modalities helpful in her own recovery. She enrolled in Massage School to learn about Anatomy, Physiology and Kinesiology. She found an office space and started her practice. After 5 years, she began looking for her own space. She had a vision of what it would be like. She looked for almost two years and nearly gave up. One day a building came up that spoke to her the minute she set foot in the door. It was a historical building, an old bank building, with great bones. After another year of renovation and manifesting, it turned into her beautiful Studio Beju in downtown historic Duvall, WA. She set out with a wing and a prayer to build a community of like-minded women practitioners who combine both alternative health and creative expression. Today it exists and is thriving! It is a place for uplifting workshops, classes and services and celebrates 3 years in business this April 2018! She has found her purpose and passion in life!

Studio Beju
15630 Main Street.
Duvall, WA 98019
425-318-6422
www.studiobeju.com

Most of us are familiar with “Goldilocks and The Three Bears”, a popular nursery tale. Goldilocks goes for a walk in the woods and finds a house. She knocks on the door, no one answers so plucky thing she is, she goes in and finds 3 bowls of porridge: One was too hot, one was too cold, but the last one was ‘just right.’ After eating the porridge, she finds 3 chairs: One was too big, one was too small, and then there was one that was ‘just right’ but on sitting on it she broke the chair into pieces! Then she went upstairs because she was tired and found 3 beds: One was too hard, one was too soft, but one was just right and so she snuggled down to sleep.
Of course, the Bears came home and complained loudly that someone had been eating their porridge, and that someone had been sitting in their chairs, and had broken one, and going upstairs they found the culprit sleeping in one of their beds! With that Goldilocks springs out of bed, jumps through the window and escapes, never to return again. So, what’s the story really about? A cautionary tale of too much entitlement or a tale of discovery to find her own ‘just right’? There are many ways to view this, from the duality of organization vs chaos to the literary use of repetition and the use of three. Notice that every third trial is ‘just right’ in the nursery tale – two wrongs ultimately leading to a ‘right’.
How do you find your ‘just right’ in business, creativity or life? The answer may lay in the magic of threes. I found out myself that there's a psychological magic in the number 3. For example, if I put out 1 or 2 printed newsletters in front of the Studio they don't get picked up. If I put out 4 or more, they don't get picked up. But 3, Oh boy. Yes, every time! I need to replenish the front table as soon as I notice one or two have been taken by passersby. That way we shift ALL the newsletters every month. Like magic!
Similarly, in broad general terms when we think of optimal health for the body we are looking to find a motile flexibility, where the body or mind is not too rigid, nor too flexible, but within the range of a Goldilocks zone where everything seems ‘just right’. This Goldilocks zone is the optimal sphere of existence, balance and resilience.
So how do you apply this to your Creativity and/or manifesting your life’s purpose? Why not try applying the rule of three. If you are super creative, but have difficulty turning this into reality then try 2 somethings that are the opposite of you. Something more rigid and orderly. It can be anything from learning to de-clutter or applying for business mastery at night school. If you have a natural tendency to order and neatness, go out of your comfort zone and explore what it feels like to be messy, spontaneous, and free thinking. Find a messy creative friend to help loosen those orderly chains! Let go of control and enjoy creative freedom. The point is to learn enough to find your own ‘just right’.
This month I'm celebrating the 3's and late March/early April is the Studio Beju’s third year in business!! In starting out, I had a general idea of what the place would be. I drew my Vision Board with as much vibrancy & care as possible.

Geraldine's Vision Board

I envisioned a place that combines Mind/Body/Spirit practices and where you could explore art, craft, music, meditation & movement as a healthy holistic way of being. Spaces for rent, a hub for people to find a modality or skill or way of being that appeals to them & maybe helps them in some way or helps them teach & give back something that has helped them. I decided to give it 5 years to see if it could be achieved as I'd read that it usually takes up to 5 years to get established. I've just read that those who work in small business say it's the first 3 years that show whether they will survive and have what it takes. Some small business advisers say that the venture is still in the start-up phase for the first 3 years.
This is because there's so much to learn about setting up a business. Whoo! They aren’t wrong there. So, this year three is the seminal year and certainly a year to take stock. Things that work, things that don’t so much, and things I’ve started to gain a measure for.
From the spectrum of orderly vs chaotically creative, I am definitely in the chaotically creative camp. I’ve been lucky to be creative all my life. Ideas flow! But, I am also messy, disorganized, and hate paperwork. So, this year I’m going to take a leaf out of my own book and take some scheduling classes, pick up some Feng Shui tips and learn how to organize my office more effectively & maybe engage an orderly & patient friend to help me over my own hurdles & build that 5-year plan I should have done in the first place. What are you going to do?

Geraldine's Creation - Studio Beju

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Stop Procrastinating Now!

3/22/2018

We start out with an intention and a goal, but why do we not achieve or reach that intention? What happens to get in the way and keep us stuck or stalled. Why is it so hard to just do it! If you have heard the saying, “it’s all in your head”, that pretty much sums it up. Maybe that is a slight over-simplification, but really not that far from the truth! We fill the space in between doing and not doing with a lot of clutter. As you all know clutter gets in the way! So, how do we get rid of the clutter and clear the path for action! It is a process that takes some discipline and the knowledge that you are in control. It is actually a matter of mindset. You also have to be clear on your priorities and motivation to achieve what you set out to do. Obviously, we have a limited amount of time, so only so much can be achieved in a given period of time. However, if you limit the clutter and are motivated, you will be amazed at how productive you can be and how much can be achieved. Left unchecked procrastination becomes a habit and so to change that habit we must develop a new and better habit. I am going to give you some tips on how to go about the process of changing this old and defeating habit and with your new mindset becoming a productive action taker.
First, ask yourself what you “put off” and why? While procrastination is a universal behavior, it seems we are very individual on what we procrastinate on and why we do it. Figuring out what the thinking behind your inaction is, will help you in identifying what thought patterns and behaviors need to be changed. If you can identify those thought patterns and the often-limiting beliefs behind them, you are well on your way to change.

Where do you start? Listed below are some suggested steps that will become your action-plan and if you will follow them, you can end your procrastination very quickly!

Set a goal and write it down
Set an end date for achieving your goal
Break it down into small steps
Get in touch with your feelings
Push past resistance and accept no excuses
Silence negative self-talk
Face your fear or pain and push past it (3 seconds of courage)
Adjust your self-perception to see yourself as an action-taker
Reward yourself for progress
Ask for help from a friend, coach or accountability partner
Repeat this process until it becomes habit!

It seems simple enough, right? Perhaps you think it is too simple and therefore, will not work. If it were just this simple, why is procrastination such a hard problem to overcome? The reason is that you believe it has to be difficult and you are in the habit of dwelling in that mindset. Try the steps above with a “can do” attitude and you will find changing this habit is, in fact, surprisingly easy. So, you want to go to the gym and get in better shape. Write down that goal and be very specific. It should be measurable and have a specific timeframe or end date.

Goal Example:
“I will go to the gym and work out for an hour three times a week for the next six months!”

Write down the date six months in the future when you will have achieved your initial goal of getting in better shape. Post this date on your calendar and your mirror, refrigerator, desk or somewhere very visible where you see it regularly.

Now break down your workout routine into small steps that increase in intensity gradually. You can even start with a shorter workout period and work up, just make sure to keep your schedule and if you have to deviate or slip up, get right back to it.

Examine your feelings when they come up and get a hold of “the why” behind your procrastination. Is it a fear? Pain? Prior bad experience? Knowing why will help you move past it.

You will feel resistance and this is where you need some discipline and resolve. You will need to push past it and each time you do, it will make the next time easier. Accept no excuses –so, you are tired, you don’t feel well, you don’t have enough time. Unless you are truly ill with valid symptoms, these are really just self-defeating excuses and you must push past them. This is will power and discipline, but it is also courage. It is that 3-second decision to push past whatever obstacles or fears might present themselves and just do it! Most of the time, it turns out not to have been as scary, painful or difficult or time consumming, as we were imagining it would be.

It is also helpful to change how you look at, talk about and see yourself. Stop saying, ”I am this way” or “I always do that!” or even making those sarcastic jokes that seem so funny, but can be subconsciously programming you as to who you believe you really are and what you think you can do! Be kind to your self and support yourself with the same confidence-building support you would give to a good friend.

Along the way, give yourself small rewards as you make progress toward your goal or when you achieve it. We are more motivated when we get a reward or reward ourselves, even if it is only a small acknowledgement. Everyone responds positively to encouragement.

Having a friend who supports and encourages you, a coach or an accountability partner can make a huge impact on helping you toward your goals. Hanging out with other people who are motivated action-takers can also be inspiring and helpful.

Lastly, once you have broken the procrastination habit and achieved a goal, repeat and make “not procrastinating” or being a motivated action-taker a positive and desirable habit! Make it who you are!

This process can work long or short-term. It can work on something small or that big and overwhelming thing you thought was impossible. You just have to implement and in the process, change your mindset. It really is that simple and can be that easy, if you will believe it is! Be your own “Action Hero" and just do it now!

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Self-Acceptance Is The Key!

2/23/2018

About the Author: Shelley Abrams spent close to 25 years as a corporate technical writer before branching out on her own as a freelancer in 2010. She loves writing and doing research and enjoys the diversity being a freelancer offers. She has contributed to blogs on spirituality, personal development, mindfulness, and health and wellness. She has written and maintained philosophical and spiritually based content for a paid membership site. She is currently co-authoring a non-fiction book that offers a unique spin on history and geology. She also does analysis and report writing for a marketing research firm. She has an MBA, as well as, a certificate in non-fiction writing. When she’s not writing, she likes being out in nature or just reflecting in the quiet. She finds history, geography, philosophy and meta-physics fascinating. She also loves traveling, meeting new people and experiencing different cultures. To learn more about Ms. Abrams’ writing experiences, visit her website at www.write2spec.com.

February is the month everyone focuses on the important relationships in their lives, mostly with other people. We want people to accept us, to love us, so we do all we can to make ourselves “perfect” in their eyes. But isn’t the relationship you have with yourself the most important? After all, you are a part of everything you do, everything that happens to you and everything (and everyone) you engage with.

Doesn’t it make sense that if the relationship you have with yourself is the most important, you should spend time focused on it, nurturing it and embracing it? Most of us do the opposite. We put ourselves down, we judge everything we do or say, and our inner voice is often our own worst critic. We seek to quell our self-loathing and negative self-love by looking to others for approval. We bend over backwards to please them, even swearing to change for them! But is that really the way we should go about changing our opinion of ourselves? I think not!

As I said earlier, you are a part of everything that goes in your life! That means your relationship with yourself affects everything that goes on in your life. All relationships have their challenges. The relationship with yourself is no exception. It can even be scary! But if you want to make your life the best it can be, you must have a positive relationship with yourself.

So what’s the key to doing that? Self-acceptance - the unconditional “I accept myself for who I am, with all my faults and quirks” kind.

“You've got to be able to look at the mirror and smile at yourself. If you can't do that, you've got work to do. You have to learn to get along with yourself, to like yourself, to be proud of yourself. You've got to learn to celebrate yourself. You need to be able to love yourself before you can ever appreciate anyone else who does. You're worth it. Put the work in to have the best relationship with yourself that's possible.” ~ Akiroq Brost

Now, we’re not talking about stoking the ego or saying what’s bad about you is really good. No! It is about finding compassion within yourself to accept and love who you are – all of you. It isn’t about not wanting to change; it’s more about the reason to change. Instead of changing to please others, if you love and accept yourself, you willingly transform to become your best self!

"Accept everything about yourself--I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end--no apologies, no regrets." ~ Clark Moustakas

We all know the negative ramifications of being down on ourselves. Let’s look instead at the good stuff – the positive effects of loving and accepting yourself.

Self-acceptance is the key to happiness and emotional well-being

If you constantly complain about yourself, your situation or other things around you, how can you possibly be happy? If you constantly try to change yourself so that others will like you, you have tethered your own happiness to someone else’s opinion. How does that serve you? It doesn’t.

If you lack self-acceptance and self-love, you may try to “buy happiness” through excessive materialism, excessive stimulation or excessive approval-seeking behaviors. All these things feed into our negative self-image. But when all is said and done, you’ve overspent and made yourself unhealthier and miserable. Then, you begin the cycle of self-loathing and seeking happiness outside yourself all over again.

If you want happiness, you need to let go the negative self-talk, of trying to fit a mold that isn’t you. You need to become your authentic self. Become who you really are! When you can accept the whole of yourself, your happiness will increase exponentially.

“Your skin is your skin. Your legs are your legs. Your hair is your hair. Your smile is your smile. Your past is your past. You can waste your life hating these things, but you may as well learn to accept them. Both routes are difficult and full of pain, but with acceptance, you will be happy one day, while with hatred, you never will.” ~ Vironika Tugaleva

Self-acceptance is the key to good relationships

Many of us put our relationships with other people ahead of our relationship with ourselves. We expect them to accept and love us. Heck, we demand it through our actions and our thoughts. We bend over backwards to please others, even going so far as trying to change who we are into something others want us to be. And we expect the same of them!

But isn’t this backwards? How can you possibly expect others around you to accept you if you don’t accept yourself first? How can anyone know you if you are constantly trying to fit an image someone else has of you rather than the image of who you truly are?

Sure, it can be downright scary to show our real selves to the world. To expose who we are. But it’s an essential step if we want to have healthy, solid relationships with everyone around us – not just our families or significant others, but our co-workers, our neighbors and even strangers we come across every day.

If you want to strengthen your relationships, first be compassionate with yourself! Forgive yourself. Accept yourself. If you engage in all relationships from a position of self-acceptance and self-love, you’ll find it much easier to maneuver the relationship maze and have unconditional love for everyone who crosses your path! You’ll also feel more confident and loving. Most importantly, it becomes your new normal. And others will respond to that in kind.

Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ~ Lao Tzu

Self-acceptance is the key to good physical and mental health

Being constantly down on yourself is stressful and a drain on your energy. What impact do you think that has on your health? Negative energy affects your body and your mind at a cellular level. This ultimately manifests itself in illness – temporary or chronic.

Many people in the scientific and spiritual community say “you are what you think”. From a physical and mental health standpoint, they are right! If you have a poor attitude about yourself and constantly talk to yourself in a negative way, you are feeding the bad energy and making yourself sick. Feed it positive words - and believe them. It can literally turn an illness on its head and improve your health in ways you cannot imagine. Forgive your body for being ill, love it, and see what happens!

"There is much documented proof that the mind and body are connected, so acceptance of your body is not only essential for your emotional well-being, it is essential for your physical health as well. Denying your body complete acceptance can lead to illness, whereas practicing acceptance can heal disease." ~ Andrew Adler

This all sounds good, you say, but how do I do it? Here are some tips that may help:

Express gratitude. Get into the habit of expressing gratitude for yourself and everything about you. Say thank you and mean it! Do this several times a day, especially when you first wake up and before you go to sleep. Say it lovingly, forcefully and whole-heartedly. Try it for a week and notice a difference.
Go inward. Meditate. Spend time in quiet contemplation getting in touch with your true self on a daily basis. No judgement, just a quiet awareness of your body and mind. Find inner peace with yourself and self-acceptance becomes easier.
Change your inner talk. Be aware of what you say to yourself. Keep a journal. Every time you say something negative about yourself, put a tick mark in it. Or, write down words you use to describe yourself. At the end of the day notice the patterns. Then, make a commitment to yourself to have a few less tick marks the next day. Or rework one negative word about yourself into a positive one. Do this daily. Self-awareness goes a long way towards self-acceptance.
Do the mirror exercise. Stand in front of the mirror naked and listen to what your mind says to you. After you’ve let your mind vent a moment or two about what it sees, stop. Close your eyes, re-center yourself, then relook at the mirror, open your arms and say “I Love You”! Say this at least 5 times to start and increase it over time. It will feel very uncomfortable. But you know the saying – “fake it till you make it”. If you do it consistently, you and more importantly your mind, will believe it!

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What's Touch Got to do with It?

2/9/2018

About the Author: Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, editor, radio host, BLISS coach, event producer, Cosmic Concierge, the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and co-author of Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging Woman’s Gateway to Power, Passion and Purpose. She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr. Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. Edie writes for The Huffington Post, Psych Central, Beliefnet, Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, Expanded Family, Meaningful Mom, Bucks Happening, Montco Happening, Hunterdon Happening, as well as a growing number of other venues. Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events on a planned and spontaneous basis. www.opti-mystical.com

Human beings are, by nature, social creatures. Even those who live alone, work in isolated settings or don’t claim to be ‘touchy feely people,’ still require some sort of contact. Sadly, in many cases, touch is either coerced, limited, sexual, violent or absent. That leaves people feeling touched deprived and seeking other outlets for human needs that may fall into the category of addiction.
Since our skin is our single biggest organ, it is essential that we experience nurturing touch. What can be referred to as ‘skin hunger,’ is as an important a need to feed as physiological hunger. Without it, studies have shown that babies fail to thrive. Without it, adults do as well. We live in such a touch-deprived and touch-negative society. According to Virginia Satir, ‘we need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
According to Matt Hertenstein, an experimental psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana, “Hand-holding or hugging also results in a decrease of the stress hormone cortisol.”
"Having this friendly touch, just somebody simply touching our arm and holding it, buffers the physiological consequences of this stressful response," Hertenstein adds.
This kind of skin to skin contact raises the level of oxytocin, known as ‘the cuddle hormone,’ that kicks in when mothers nurse their babies, when orgasm takes place and when people get all cozy, even without sexual interaction. I like to add that “More oxytocin means less oxycontin.”
I was fortunate to have been raised in a family where nurturing touch was plentiful and by consent. Hugs, cuddles and massage were regular occurrences in my home and when I was a teenager, I was involved in a youth group where we would sometimes hang out together in puppy piles at weekend retreats.
Hugs meet skin hunger needs, which are just as vital for wellbeing as food hunger. Without nurturing, non-sexual touch, by consent, we fail to thrive. Touch need not be shared only or primarily between sexually intimate partners. It is not only possible but indeed, enjoyable to cuddle/hug with platonic friends. I have ‘cuddle buddies,’ of all genders who help meet those needs.

One of my friends had asked awhile back about my HQ; which she identified as Hug Quality. I like to think it is stellar since I do it so much. One of my regular activities is organizing and engaging in FREE Hugs events. I am one of those daring people who stand on street corners with a sign that lets folks know I am offering them. Most say yes, some decline and I respect that as I encourage them to hug someone, even themselves. I began doing this on Valentines’ Day weekend 2014 when I gathered a group of friends at 30th Street Station in Philadelphia, colloquially known as The City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection, for a FREE Hugs Flash mob. In an hours’ time we hugged over 100 people who were making their way through. One was an Iraq War vet who told us that he was the only survivor of his platoon and he had contemplated suicide until he met us, since we gave him hope. He asked if he could join us. We gladly gave him a FREE Hugs sign and soon he was on his way, handing out hugs. Friends started calling us ‘Hugmobsters’ and I added the tag line ‘armed with love,’ to counteract the image of mobsters as violent.
In June of that year, at the age of 55, I had a heart attack. As part of my cardiac rehab, I did a lot of walking through my small suburban Philly town called Doylestown. Since hugs are heart healthy, I decided to combine the two activities. Now, nearly four years later, I estimate that I have hugged thousands of people, on the streets of DC, NY, Portland, OR, in airports, in other train stations, at athletic events, at street fairs, in restaurants, at my polling place on Election Day 2016 and many other locales since then. When I hug people, I don’t know what their political beliefs are. I encourage kindness and acceptance. Hugs bring people together across all divides.
When I hug people, I slow down and breathe with them. I am fully present, if only for 20 seconds. Longer is preferable. I feel a mutual heartbeat. When we step away, we carry a piece of each other, a strand of love. Sometimes they cry. Sometimes I do. We each smile and often laugh. We allow ourselves to be fully human. I have been asked how it feels to hug strangers. I respond that once we have hugged, we are no longer strangers. I also have been asked if I feel rejected if people turn down hugs. I don’t since I know that everyone’s touch needs are different.

Another conversation arises when there are children present. I always ask the parent, “If it is okay with you AND okay with your child, may I offer them a hug?” If the child says no, I respect that. Too often, children are told, “Go hug Aunt so and so,” when they really don’t want to. It is about body sovereignty. If children are taught that that they have a choice, it could prevent a new generation from facing the onslaught of unwanted touch. In the wave of #metoo, it is even more important to claim that right.

I also facilitate a workshop for adults, called Cuddle Party which teaches communication, boundary setting and offers nurturing, non-sexual touch, by consent. Some objections to this experience which was founded in 2004, is “Eew, icky strangers. Who wants to cuddle with strangers?” Even if people don’t know each other at the beginning of our time together, they may leave feeling like family of choice. “Why should I pay to cuddle?” I tell them that the workshop is about learning skills that enhance relationships and that the touch aspect is a bonus of those interactions. “Only lonely losers need this.” People of all walks of life attend, from business people to therapists, from students, to CEOs of corporations, from moms and dads to grandparents, from Marines to teachers. Some are in relationships with partners who are not as affectionate and encourage them to attend. Some are single. In the 12 years I have been a certified facilitator, I have cuddled people from all around the world, and lost count of how many I have facilitated; estimating over 300. One at which I assisted, held at a conference in the DC area, had around 400 people in attendance. Normally, they are far smaller, from 10-30 people.
Why touch matters:

Enhances brain development
Provides pain relief
Creates a sense of trust
Strengthens the immune system
Increases the ‘feel good’ chemicals oxytocin and dopamine
Enhances non-sexual intimacy
Reduces drug and alcohol cravings
High-fives and hugging teammates improves performance
When teachers touch students on the shoulder, class participation increases

Love is contagious, with healthy, nurturing touch as a carrier.

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Paying Attention to Your Intuition!

1/31/2018

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP
www.embracechangehypnosis.com. Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems. All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC. She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate & Michelle". She is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.

Intuition is one of our greatest gifts and most valuable tools and learning how to be aware of and pay attention to it is one of the best things you will ever learn. We know so much more than we think we do. Our senses our constantly taking into, processing and storing information and we do this on a sub-conscious level so quickly and automatically that our conscious mind has a hard time keeping up. What exactly is intuition and why is it so important for us to pay and attention and connect with it? See the dictionary definition below:

the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.
"we shall allow our intuition to guide us"
synonyms:
instinct, intuitiveness; More

a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.
plural noun: intuitions
"your insights and intuitions as a native speaker are positively sought"
synonyms:
hunch, feeling (in one's bones), inkling, (sneaking) suspicion, idea, sense, notion;

In his article in Psychology Today, “What is Intuition, And How Do We Use It?”, Francis Cholle, August 31,2011, defines it this way:

Instinct and Intuition, as I define it, is this:

• Instinct is our innate inclination toward a particular behavior (as opposed to a learned response).
• A gut feeling—or a hunch—is a sensation that appears quickly in consciousness (noticeable enough to be acted on if one chooses to) without us being fully aware of the underlying reasons for its occurrence.
• Intuition is a process that gives us the ability to know something directly without analytic reasoning, bridging the gap between the conscious and nonconscious parts of our mind, and also between instinct and reason.

With these definitions in mind then how can we understand intuition and its importance in our daily lives and why we need to be aware of and use it whenever we can. Well, the truth is conscious reasoning only account for 20% of our brain power, while sub-conscious is 80% of our brain power. In his article listed above, Francis Cholle makes his case that we are doing ourselves a disservice if we only use logical reasoning or the conscious part of our brain in our decision making. We need both parts of our brain and its full power in order to make the best decisions for ourselves. The conscious mind works in a very linear way and is limited, though relentless, in it’s reasoning ability and resources. The sub-conscious mind crosses the dimensions of time and space and pulls information together in a very non-linear way leading to what the conscious mind can only call hunches or “information it has no explanation for”, while, in fact, it is information that has been mined, in much the same way a computer works, from your own mind’s resources Having this added knowledge accessible to us is so valuable, seen if we cannot readily say where it came from or why we think or feel the way we do.

If using both our logical reasoning and our intuition can lead us to better decisions and outcomes, how can we be more aware of and access it more easily. Listed below are some ways to become more in touch with your basic instincts, intuition or gut feelings.

Write! Keep a journal of your random thoughts, feelings, ideas and associations that occur to you. It does not need to make sense or seem relevant. Doing this will open up your connection to your sub-conscious.
Turn off judgement, of yourself and others. Allow the dialogue to happen with the input of your inner-critic and see what flows.
Connect with nature. This seems to connect us to our core and that animal instinct that is an innate part of us.
Allow yourself some solitary time. Solitude shuts off the outside noise and connects us to our inner most thoughts and feelings.
Find a way to connect to your emotions. Sometimes a place, music, art, literature or art can help us do this.
Create! Creativity brings out our most basic purpose and most instinctual connections to our inner being and expression of self.
Be in Alignment! Seek authenticity, clarity and congruence in all that you do!

The late Steve Jobs said this about intuition, “more powerful than intellect.” We know the he must have relied on something beyond mere reasoning for his many innovations.
Whatever we call it or however we define it, if we can harness the power of intuition we will be setting ourselves up for better decisions and more successful outcomes. According to Carolyn Gregoire, in her article, “10 things Highly Intuitive People Do Differently”, Dec. 06, 2017 in the Huffington Post. highly intuitive people use all of the habits listed above. They also rely on their dreams, practice mindfulness, are highly observant of their surroundings, listen actively and attentively, get plenty of rest and listen to their inner voice and their bodies, tend to be positive and let go of negative thoughts easily. In truth we are all intuitive and sometimes more than we know, but the trick is listening and connecting to that “Spidey Sense”!
I, personally, am fairly intuitive, however, like most people I find myself denying or trying to reason my way out of paying attention to my intuition on a fairly regular basis. I have almost always been glad when I do pay attention to my intuition. Sometimes I wish I had listened sooner and then other times I wish I had listened to those little signals while I am paying the consequences. How about you? When was the last time you had that gut feeling, inner-voice or “Spidey Feeling” about something? Did you listen and follow it?
Right now, I am dealing with a quandary about listening to intuition that I don’t yet know the outcome on, but I went with it. We shall see. I am also dealing with an instance where I ignored it a little longer than I should have. I finally decided to listen and I feel pretty happy that I did. I think it will pay off big time as time goes forward. The last major instance where I listened to my intuition, despite arguments to the contrary saved me from being scammed out of a thousand dollars in a scheme that thousands of other good, intelligent and well-meaning people were taken in by. I feel blessed that my “inner voice” gave me a strong warning and I paid attention. I am getting more in touch with my intuitive side all the time and the suggestions listed here will help you in doing that to. It isn’t something that happens all at once, you just slowly start becoming more comfortable in following that “feeling” when you get it and knowing that it is what is best for you, regardless of what “logic” or other evidence may tell you.

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New Beginnings!

1/7/2018

About the Author: Geraldine Banes was born in a small town in Pembrokeshire Wales, UK, on the Southwestern-Most Peninsula of Wales, close to Ireland. From an early age she was interested in art, design & creative writing. Geradine got her education in the Art and Design field, married, divorced and then on her ownwith a small daughter, ended up getting a job with an American company, Microsoft, which brought her to America! What started out as a short-term contract job turned into a 22 year career for Geraldine with Microsoft. It was intellectually challenging and interesting work. She loved her job, and may have stayed there if it were not for a life changing event that made her reconsider everything.
In 2009, at the age of 50, while on business in Britain, Geraldine suffered a heart attack. Her right super dominant artery was 98% clogged with a clot. She had a stent placed, and her femoral artery bifurcated. She was in hospital for 6 days, and not allowed to fly home for 6 weeks. With such a close call, she realized that she had to change her life. Like the phoenix from the ashes, 2010 was to be her pivotal point. She married John whom she’d met a few years back and who thankfully didn’t care that she had this major event! She already had an interest in Alternative Health, specifically CranioSacral Therapy & Reiki as she had found these modalities helpful in her own recovery. She enrolled in Massage school to learn about Anatomy, Physiology and Kinesiology. She found an office space and started her practice. So, after 5 years, she started to look for a place of her own. She found a very patient Real Estate broker and they looked for almost 2 years and nearly gave up. Until one day a building came up that spoke to her as soon as she set foot in the door. It was a historical building, an old bank building, with great bones. After another year of renovation, it became her Studio Beju in downtown historic Duvall, WA. Here she set out with a wing and a prayer to build a community of like-minded women practitioners who combine both alternative health and creative expression. It is a place for uplifting and light workshops, classes, & services and it will be 3years in April 2018, since the doors opened for business. Through many new beginnings & times when she thought it was all over, she has found her purpose in life!

We are creatures born of New Beginnings. Being born into this world takes time to become acclimatized to our body, ourselves and the life we were born into. We learn by example, we explore the boundaries of what makes us, us. We grow. We assimilate notions of how the World is. Time passes. Experiences happen. Babyhood, Toddlerhood, Preteen, Teen, Young Adult, Student, Working Adult, Retired Adult, Aged Adult and several stages in between, until our very last day, our very last breath. We all know that last days can happen at any stage of life, but we prefer not to think about it too much. We are too busy living! Each person in their lifespan will most likely experience in differing degrees feelings of, love, betrayal, happiness (however fleeting), despair, intellectual challenge, judgement, folly, anger, remorse, friendships, breakups, boredom, lust, depression, antipathy, jealousy, and a host of other emotions too long to recant here. These emotions can either hold us back or motivate us to change & adapt. Each day that passes gives us an opportunity to grow more, or stop, or shrink down.
So, what’s my point, what am I getting at? I was asked to write about manifesting the life you’d like to lead. Why would I start with New Beginnings? I started here because I realized that the whole point of being able to manifest anything in our lives starts with the concept of a new day and the opportunity that comes with a new beginning. If you genuinely treat each day as a new beginning, then you have a better chance of being open to a real new beginning! So, what does this boil down to? Mindset. Mindset is everything. Our thoughts are powerful. Thoughts alone are not powerful, but thoughts allied with motivation, persistence and the ability to create something into reality become powerful & achievable when grounded in sense.

Successful manifesting happens over time, and sometimes it is not what you’d think it would be!

5 ways to manifest something good in your life:

1 - Creation. Put it down on paper, draw it, breathe life into it

2 - Hold the general outcome in your mind, consistently – don’t be too specific, just the general sense of what you are setting out to achieve.

3 - Be persistent in lightly pursuing your goals

4 - Be open. Once you have set the first 3 Acts into motion you never know where it’ll lead or who it’ll lead to. This becomes an interesting way to see what you are drawn to.

5 - Relinquish Control. Be led by a lightness of Spirit.

Some of this sounds easy but they are deceptively hard to do, especially when we are conditioned to expect things to happen quickly or without much effort. We also have a strong & understandable tendency to try to avoid the unpleasant side of life. Sometimes, the Universe has a way of waking you up to the possibilities of this life and it isn’t something you’d choose at all. It is like a test, and if you survive it sometimes the greatest breakthroughs happen after such a life changing event. This usually changes your perception & leads you to understand that life is precious, that time is all you have, and that whatever time you have left you can make a difference however big or small.
If you look at the people who have really made a difference in their lives, and get to know their stories, it soon becomes clear that they are living their dream despite having the cards stacked against them. So, wherever you are, whatever you are doing or want to do, know you can do it with persistence and a little help from the Universe.

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The Season & Reason for Giving with Gratitude!

12/11/2017

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP
www.embracechangehypnosis.com. She offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems. All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC. She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate & Michelle". She is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.

This is the season for giving and receiving as a tradition and a celebration. It is a magical time and also, a time that is filled with a great deal of commercialism, some think "greed", perhaps fake sentiments and misplaced or false intentions. A lot of people think the season has lost it's true meaning and feel like they would just like to forget about the whole thing or go back to times from the past. Other people try to capture some of what has been lost by going way overboard and putting financial and emotional stress on themselves and their families. Of course, we cannot go back to the past and our control over what is happening in the world around us is very limited. What can we do then, to make this season and maybe, the rest of our year, the beautiful expression of giving and celebration of life that we wish and expect it to be?
In giving this question considerable thought, I have come to some conclusions. We must start with an attitude of gratitude, even in our own giving. I feel so blessed and grateful to be able to experience giving. It is truly a wonderful and empowering feeling to be able to give to another. In this feeling you realize you have enough, you feel good and sometimes you even get the appreciation of gratitude back from another. This is so affirming not only of own worthiness, but also of the goodness in our world and humanity itself. So, they say that it is, “more blessed to give than to receive” and I believe that is true.

Receiving is, of course, so much easier to understand from a standpoint of gratitude. However, it is important to feel a sense of gratitude that goes to the core of our being. That gratitude does not center on appreciation for the desired or desirable item or intangible gift we are receiving, but for the loving sentiments and thoughts behind it. I came to realize this many years ago and I am reminded of it often. I am grateful for everything that I receive whether it is something I want, have asked for, or it is clearly something that I do not want. For years, I received Christmas gifts from an older relative that, well -- I clearly had no use for or desire to possess. She would purchase them at the Dollar Store or perhaps, Good Will and some I would even guess were old items she had from years past. At first, I wondered why she felt compelled to give these items. When I noticed how much it meant to her to give these gifts, I could not help appreciating and treasuring them. She has since passed and I will have to say I miss these gifts that were given out of the pure joy to give. I try to receive every gift in this spirit these days. I try to feel grateful not for what I have received, but for the act of giving itself. It is always a beautiful feeling.
For me this season is filled with those beautiful, warm and empowering feelings of gratitude both in giving and receiving and, there in, lies the magic of this amazing holiday season! I really don’t think about the commercialism, fakeness or inappropriateness some perceive at all. I am too busy thinking of what beautiful gifts will put a smile on the faces of family and friends and being ever grateful that there are people who think enough of me to want to put a smile on my face! I wish you a year of gratitude in 2018!

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The Magic Healing Power of Laughter!

11/22/2017

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP. She offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems. All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC. She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate & Michelle". She is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.

Laughter is contagious! We love to laugh! I personally love both laughing and hearing the sound of laughter. It is just uplifting on a deep spiritual level! Laughter is an elixir and a magic potion and sometimes said to be a medicine with amazing healing powers. With laughter you can make a friend, ease a conflict, solve a problem and certainly communicate joy and emotion quite effectively. There are multiple types and variations of laughter and we laugh to express ourselves in a myriad of ways and situations. Laughter is defined as the sound of mirth, merriment or joy. Many have thought deeply of laughter and its unique qualities and expressed their own feelings about it.

Here are some profound and thoughtful quotes about Laughter:

“A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused!”
--Shirley McClain

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” -- Charlie Chaplin

“If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.” – Jimmy Buffet

“We don’t laugh because we are happy, we are happy because we laugh.”
– William James

“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”
– Mark Twain

“Everyone laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.”
–Jakob Smirnoff

“Laughter is the best medicine.” – Unknown, it is thought to have been coined from a similar phase
about mirth.

Does laughter really have effectives on our physical and neurological well-being, as well as, our emotional well-being? A great deal of research and scientific study into the effects of laughter on the body and the mind has been and is currently being done. In general, studies have found that laughter can reduce pain and stress, improve blood flow and general cardiovascular function and increase immune system response. While studies are ongoing, laughter is believed to rewire the brain by making new neural pathways, causing the release of hormones that reduce the level of cortisol in the body and leading to better endocrine system functions, which in turn improve the body’s immune response and functioning. Laughter causes the release of serotonin and endorphins, which releases tension and improves mood. This is helpful for depression.

      In a study in Norway, it was found that people with a sense of humor generally lived longer than those less inclined toward humor, who tended to laugh less often. In hospital studies, it was found that those who laughed more needed less anesthesia, less time in surgery and had shorter hospital stays. They found that a general atmosphere of humor, leading to more laughter resulted in better overall patient care and outcomes. Laughter has also been found to be helpful for cancer patients in dealing wiht pain and the effects of treatment on the body.

Studies also found that laughter or an atmosphere where humor and laughter are encouraged can improve learning and retention of learned material. There are many other benefits to laughter. It burns calories and is thought to make people appear more attractive. Generally speaking, laughter is very socially appealing and tends to attract others to us. It promotes both connection and an atmosphere of conciliation and collaboration. Laughter also promotes bonding and favorable impressions between people. It can diminish the effects on anger and tension. As they say, things are just better when you’re laughing!

We listen to comedians, watch funny movies and sometimes funny reality shows or even YouTube and other social media platforms to get our daily dose of laughter. Laughter has become a "therapy” of sorts and we have “laughter yoga” and “laughter meditation” these days. Dr. Madan Kataria, a family physician in Mumbai, India, wrote an article called “Laughter– the best medicine” in 1995. After writing his article he ended up starting the first “laughter yoga” practice in a field near his offices. From there, with 5 people in a field, it has grown to a regular practice in more than 50 countries around the world. Laughter Therapy is the use of laughter or humor to relieve stress and promote a healthier immune system. This is done in many ways and there are now also Laughter Clubs to promote well-being.

    Laughter has been found to be generally helpful in almost every situation. It will speed up the bonding process, lead to longer happier relationships and longer happier lives, it can help you burn calories to lose weight, make you feel more attractive or cause you to be attracted to someone or to certain groups of people. Most women list a sense of humor as one of qualities they are attracted to and people of both sexes say that they choose their significant other because they made them laugh.

    Laughing will make you happier and being happy will lead to laughing more and the more you laugh the more the people around you and those you come into contact with will laugh and the happier they will be. The happier the people around you are, the more you will enjoy being around them and the happier and more comfortable everyone will be. So, laugh for no reason at all and as often as possible. Laugh out loud and never miss the opportunity to laugh, because it’s definitely good for your health!

Laughter is the Best Medicine: The Health Benefits of Humor and ...
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm

Humor, Laughter, and Those Aha Moments - Harvard Medical School
https://hms.harvard.edu/sites/default/files/HMS_OTB_Spring10_Vol16_No2.pdf

Psychological, immunological and physiological effects of a Laughing
...https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S096522991300157X

Humor and Laughter May Influence Health IV. Humor and Immune Function
Mary Payne Bennett1 and Cecile Lengacher2
Author information ► Article notes ► Copyright and License information ►

How to Do Laughter Yoga: 12 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow
https://www.wikihow.com/Do-Laughter-Yoga

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Most People Are Unaware of the Power of Their Mind!

10/19/2017

Edward Frey III is a performance-driven breakthrough coach. He refers to himself as, "The Ignition Coach". Edward is a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistics Programming, (NLP is the study of the cognitive neuroscience of language), Clinical Hypnotherapist, Dream Sculptor, Ayurvedic Wellness Coach and Advanced Reiki Master in Sedona, AZ. Edward's passion for training and development, coupled with his highly effective communication skills, gives clients the knowledge and valuable resources to facilitate their success. His focus is to give others the resources to avoid or overcome depression and promote suicide awareness. It is crucial for him to give clients the tools to succeed, while making it entertaining and promoting ideas that will become the seeds of growth in their minds. He seeks to spread his message in corporate settings, associations, non-profits, colleges and high schools, as well as, his private practice. Edward is the owner of Ignite Your legacy, LLC.
www.IgniteYourLegacyNow.com

Have you ever thought about how powerful your mind is? Let’s take a moment and think about its abilities to flow effortlessly on a daily basis. Like driving your car hundreds of miles across a continent or navigating in a complex city with rules and regulations we are vaguely familiar with… Or, ordering a meal while on a cell phone (hands free, of course) driving and figuring out what song to listen to? Not to mention using the gas pedal, steering wheel and having situational awareness at any given time.
According to the renowned NLP/ Hypnotherapists Michael Bennett and Sandra Vesterstein of Bennett Stellar University our brain processes a maximum of 400 billion bits of information per second and we are only able to focus on 2000 bits of information per second. That is like going to the beach and picking up 4 cups of sand into our hands, pulling out 20 grains and that's how much information we can gather per second.
Twenty grains of sand, in relation to the information we can process, is a little disconcerting. That means that what we focus on is more important than we actually realize. When we take into consideration that our sense of smell, touch, site, hearing, taste and feeling are barely anything in comparison to the overall algorithm of information and everything else we absorb at any given moment. This is a minimal amount compared to reading other people’s body language (how others see our body moving) which is 55%, tone of voice (how we use inflections or tone drops) at 38% and vocabulary (what specific verbiage we say) that is only 7%. We can add it all together and recognize we absorb more than we realize. Our Judgment vs. discernment is an integral part of our stress reduction or stress induction. Using harsh judgement toward a moment of vulnerability can easily cause us to experience trauma that is deeply ingrained into the unconscious mind causing PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) amongst many other issues.
Are unclear moments or comments hypnotizing us to react rather than respond?! I’d say “yes”, hearing someone say, “you are a dummy” - a child takes it literally. It gives us a poor perspective or undesirable state of consciousness about ourselves. It could result in a month to 60+ years of making us feel inadequate about our abilities to perform anything from spelling of words, speaking to groups or questioning ourselves about helping others heal. When we know we are more than fully adequate, it takes a strong person to rip off the unneeded duct tape to heal especially when most of us have been taught that duct tape can fix almost anything. Would you like to hear more about how to navigate life without having to deal with repercussions?
If so, you are in luck.
I am a certified Neurolinguistics Hypnotherapist and I call myself, “The Ignition Coach”. I like to light fires under people’s butts. Are you the perfect candidate? If you would not like to move forward in your life stop reading now. I stress the importance of this…
Since you are in, let’s think about the power of our reticular activating system, which is the activator of the law of attraction. This happens regardless of whether our focus is negative or positive. If we can take in 2,000 bps, why not make it for the better. If we get our head out of our butt, we can see the light that is shining upon us. Abundant opportunities verses limiting our options. It only takes one tea light candle to shed light in a pitch-black room, no matter what size the room and if we can drive a car at night with only headlights in the dark and we still see the way and navigate. Why not be the light?
Our Power + Attitude = Performance. How much power you put into your focus along with Attitude (Meaning direction in a pilot’s vocabulary) produces the Performance which we apply for ourselves and our life. Just by using this equation I am giving you a gift that has changed my life.
Our mind has the capability to have our software updated by making new synaptic connections and new memories. If you had the opportunity to improve your life, would you? If so, ask yourself what one of your ultimate goals is and focus on that one goal. You have the ability to take the wheel WITH your Unconscious mind. We have more abilities than we give ourselves credit for and if we hone in on our passions and desires we can create a well-formed outcome of what we want our life to be. It’s time to take the duct tape off of your mouth and be heard. And while you are at it taste the sweet nectar of life because you have the choice of enjoying opportunities. Your decisions ripple out to create your Legacy.

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What Is EFT and How Does It Work?

10/19/2017

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master with a practicing in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP. She offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems. All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC. She is also a radio show host on www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange, hosting "Embrace change with Kate & Michelle". She is a speaker, writer and event facilitator.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or Tapping, as it is frequently called, is both a therapy modality and a self-help technique which uses light pressure in the form of gentle tapping on the acupressure meridians while focusing attention to neutralize negatives. It was started by Gary Craig in 1992, based on research from Dr. Ronald Callahan and his TFT and other work in the field of Energy Psychology. Gary Craig thought that all of the physical and emotional problems or illness people experience were created by blockages in the energy flow through our bodies. This is similar to ideas behind Traditional Chinese Medicine. He related this as very similar to the way electricity flows through a circuit. If there is a blockage or disruption the electrical circuitry does not work and will short out. EFT is a system and methodology for dealing with this and is used to neutralize negatives.

EFT can be approached from the emotional side, physical side or doing something called, "Tap and Talk", where the client simply taps while talking and relating a story or experience. By emotional side, I mean that you could, for example, work on feeling anxious. By physical side, it means you could work on physical pain or discomfort that you are feeling, such as tension or pain in your shoulders (resulting from anxiety). I like to work from the physical side when possible, because it is usually specific and easy to pinpoint. This is called "Chasing the Pain". How it works is -- you tap on the pain and it will eventually lessen and subside. There is a distraction element to this. It has been found that it will usually move to a different location and you then continue to tap on each location, usually moving downward. The theory is that eventually the pain will move down to the feet and flow out of the body. They have found, amazingly, - that when the pain flows out of the body, the emotional issue associated with it is also gone. And, in reverse, when you work from the emotional side, the physical pain or discomfort will also be gone. The "Talk and Tap" works similarly, but tends to be less specific and therefore can take longer, but can be very cathartic for the client.
So, what exactly is the process? You start by setting up the tapping session. You tap 4-7 times gently on what they call the "Karate Chop Point" located on the soft fleshy outer edge of the hand. At the same time, you repeat, "Even though I have pain in my shoulders and upper back (if you are doing Chasing the Pain), I deeply and completely accept myself!". After 4-7 taps, repeating those same words, you go to the second tapping point, which is the meridian on the top of the head, then inner edge of eye brow, outer edge of eye brow, under the eye, under the nose, under the chin, under the collar bone, under the armpit (all at meridian point) (see diagram below). You keep doing this tapping and repetition until the pain or the issue subsides - checking in with where you are on an intermittent basis.

I love EFT (Tapping) used in conjunction with other therapies, as it gives the client relief and also, a tool they can use while you are getting to the triggers and resolving issues. It can be used without the client ever talking about their story or initial traumas and can be used with very private issues without the therapist ever even knowing the details. Re-traumatization, which can be a factor in PTSD, can also be avoided.
There are other and more advanced techniques in EFT, such as, 9-gamut, and matrix reimprinting, but here I just wanted to give you a basic overview and understanding of how and why EFT works and has become a standard modality for working with clients on a variety of issues. It can seem a little weird at first, but has a high success rate and since it can also be done at home by the client, as a self-help tool, it has gained great popularity.

There are many online resources and videos on EFT (tapping) that you can watch and get a good idea of how it is done. Anyone can do tapping and you might want to give it a try by linking to one of those resources,
https://www.emofree.com/
http://www.eftuniverse.com/free-videos-2 ,
http://www.‎Thetappingsolution.com/ .
A trained EFT practitioner can be helpful in guiding clients through issues and resolving specific problems quickly and permanently. I find it has become a regular part of my work with clients and an addition to coaching, hypnotherapy, NLP and sometimes, Reiki. Have a bright and beautiful day and tap into the positive side of life!

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Is Creativity the Missing Link to Our Well-being & Happiness?

9/18/2017

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Emily Lewis, MA holds a Masters degree in Integrative Health with a focus in sound therapies and wellness coaching from the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. As a holistic organizer and creativity coach, she sees the connection that our outer environment plays in our day to day energy levels and our capacity for creative expression. Her passion is to help others live more empowered and creatively expressed lives through achieving more balance in the mind, body and heart. For more information on her organizing and creativity coaching work visit: www.emilymaylewis.com . Emily is a singer/songwriter and just released her first album with Sweet Medicine. Listen and download here: sweetmedicine.bandcamp.com.

It is not sufficient to treat disease by addressing only the physical symptoms that display in the body. In order to achieve greater balance and well-being it is essential to look deeper into the root of what ails us and to see where there is stagnation (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually). I believe that an important piece of the wellness puzzle lies in our creativity and our ability to express ourselves fully. This article approaches the wellness conversation from an intersection of creative expression and maintaining a balanced energy system in the body. It is possible that putting more attention on these aspects of our lives can create an optimal foundation for a healthier and happier life.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), balanced energy (Qi) is thought to be a critical component maintaining health and wellness. According to TCM, Qi stagnation is one of the main correlates of disease and illness. In another field of study, Thomas Hübl, a modern day integral mystic, discusses the concept of completing the “loop of full expression” and how this helps clear the energy system of stagnant energy. Hübl says that we all have certain impulses and a unique inner expression that longs to be fully expressed in order to complete our soul’s mission in this lifetime. Hübl quotes Lao Tzu’s words from the Tao Te Ching on this matter, saying “express yourself completely then keep quiet”. Both of these center around the movement of energy; as an antidote to stagnation.

So, how is creative expression interconnected with health & happiness and how can we bring creative expression more fully into our daily lives? First off, I would like to share with you my definition of creativity as I think there is a lot of misconception about what creativity is and isn’t. Creativity is making something from (seemingly) nothing at all. It is the art of opening, allowing, deep listening and allowing energy to flow freely in and around out of the body. Creativity is energy, vitality, life force. Creativity is expansion and contraction. Creativity is anything that stems from inspiration, longing, imagination, and spontaneity. It is a cathartic dynamic process.

Creativity means many different things to many different people. I want to dispel the myth that only some people are lucky enough to be creative. Creativity is a natural impulse and innate part of being human. Creativity is not limited to the select lucky few who have been blessed with the genetic make-up like Mozart or other successful and acclaimed artists. Why do I think all adults possess some sort of creativity? Because every child I have ever come in contact with has had a spark of creativity. I have worked with hundreds of children over the years and the one thing they all have in common is that they ALL possess an imagination and inclinations of this spark of creativity. This imagination lends to exploring creative impulses and various ways of creative expression, be it playing make-believe, dressing up, making up stories, singing silly songs, playing sports, etc. As children grow into adults this spark and creativity can become covered over, dismissed and shunned. But I believe it is an essential part to reclaim and own as adults.

So what are some of the ways that we can move energy, express ourselves fully and bring more creativity into our daily lives as adults? How can we nurture the spark that we once had as a young child so that can bring more vitality and happiness into our lives?

Here are a few easy ways to start:

Acknowledge that you ARE a creative being and that there are many ways to express creativity
Explore the activities that put you into a “flow state” (sense of losing yourself in an activity or give you a sense of timelessness)
Give yourself permission to be expressive and creative
Track your energy levels before and after you do something fun, playful or creative and consider that this may be correlated to your overall sense of well-being

Three Powerful First steps towards a more creatively charged life
Some key aspects that I cover in my http://www.emilymaylewis.com/creativitycoaching/ work with my clients:

1.   Cultivate a deep listening practice
2.   Create your creative life vision statement
3.   Cultivate a creative growth mindset (approach your day to day challenges from a place of curiosity and possibility, rather than pessimism and frustration)

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Repairing A Relationship That Has Been Damaged By Substance Abuse

9/2/2017

About the Author: Michelle Peterson contacted me to post an article for National Recovery Month and, of course, it is a worthy celebration to honor.
She declined to post her own photo and wanted to say very little about herself. Below is her only comment:
"Michelle Peterson believes the journey to sobriety should not be one of shame but of pride. Her mission is aligned with that of RecoveryPride, which is to celebrate sobriety and those who achieve it."
In reading her article you will see she is passionate about her cause.

Photo via Pixabay by BDCBethebest

Substance abuse causes many changes in relationships, and it can be difficult to repair things with a loved one after so much has happened. It may seem insurmountable, that you’ve both been through a terrible time and there’s no coming back from it. And while you may find yourself to be changed after heading down a sober path, it’s hard to convince the people who knew you before that things will be different.
Drugs and alcohol can lead us down dark paths, into infidelity, lies, manipulation, and even crime. It can put a heavy burden on family members and other loved ones who only want to help, and even when recovery begins, those loved ones may still suffer because there are so many hurtful moments from the past that they can’t get over. With a romantic relationship, there may be a lot to unpack, but it’s important to take responsibility for your own actions and face up to the consequences rather than laying blame somewhere else. This is the first step to reconciling, especially if there was infidelity involved; according to Swiftriver.com, infidelity is traumatizing. It causes the wronged party to question you, your relationship, and themselves.

Fortunately, there are some other ways you can rebuild your relationship and try to make it stronger than before. It begins with trust, which will take time.

Keep your expectations realistic

You may be tempted to try and start over right away, just weeks or even days into a recovery program. It’s imperative that you understand how much time it takes to rebuild trust and to resolve past issues, which must be done. You can’t gloss over everything that happened and expect everything to be okay; allow your loved one to talk about their feelings and to vent about the situation. Try to be patient and understanding, and look at things from their point of view if possible.

Seek counseling

If you’re already in a recovery program and are seeing a therapist or counselor for that, you may be wary of seeking help from someone for your relationship. However, attending therapy together can help you and your partner learn better ways to communicate, which is key when you’re rebuilding things.

Make some changes

Don’t expect your partner to be the one who does all the hard work; you’ll need to make some changes if you want to see things move in the right direction with your loved one. This might mean getting healthier--eating a well-balanced diet, exercising daily, making better choices altogether--or it might mean removing certain people from your life. It can be hard to walk toward a new chapter and leave some things behind, but if you’re ready to put the work into your relationship, it’s important to have a fresh start with no temptations.

Make your connection stronger

Once you’ve started the rebuilding process, it’s important to make your connection stronger than ever. Communication is one part of that, but it also means spending quality time together, learning how to be the best “other half” you can be, and supporting your partner’s goals while they support yours. You can find some great insight into how to go about doing just that in this helpful article.

Keeping your expectations reasonable is half the battle. You may think you’re fully prepared to make a lot of positive changes in your life after recovery begins, but you need to be patient with yourself and give your body and mind time to heal and process what you’ve been through. Then, you can begin to pick up the pieces and make them whole again.

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Fit While You Fit - Lower Body

7/31/2017

About the Author: Dr. Gabrielle Soucy, D.C., is co-owner of Amazing Life Chiropractic located in Mill Creek, WA. Dr. Soucy graduated from New York Chiropratic College in 2012. She practiced a few years in Montreal before settling in Lynnwood, WA, in 2015. Practicing in a Family wellness health Clinic has been her dream since starting Chiropractic College. This led Dr. Soucy to open her health clinic and specialize in women's health issues, pediatrics and pregnancies, while her husband, Dr. Kochelayev, is certified in sports injuries. practicing in an environment that uses a holistic approach is a no-brainer for thes two practitioners.
"Women come to see me either for prevention, or as a LAST RESORT in cases where their bably is in breach position (anything that is not head first) and they are trying to avoid a C-Section. To me, being able to permit a natural birth for these women is one of the most rewarding things." -- Dr. Soucy
Dr. Soucy is proficient is a variety of techniques and modalities including: Diverisified Adjusting, Thompson Drop Technique, Webster Protocol, instrument assisted adjustments (Activator), Myofasial Release Technique and Kinesiotaping. Her purpose is to help families in her community be healthy, to thrive and to live amazing lives. When is is outside the clinic, Dr. Soucy likes to go to the beaxh, camp and whitewater raft. She also enjoys reading a great book and going to the movies with her husband. Visit www.amazinglifechiropratic.com to find out more about her practice.

Sitting Can Make You Sick. Did you know the average adult sits 8-10 hours every day? If you consider the amount of time spent sitting at an average job, in the car, at the dinner table, and perhaps watching TV, it adds up quickly. But there’s a problem. Sitting for long hours may be hazardous to your health!

If your day requires sitting for long periods of time, try to get up and move around for 5 minutes every hour. See if you can occasionally work while standing up and moving around your area. Even if you cannot change the amount of time you spend sitting, proper posture and some ergonomic adjustments to the areas where you sit can reduce your risk of serious health problems. Plus, you will be much more comfortable.

Ergonomics 101
Today we will look at ergonomics for the lower body. Ergonomics is a scientific word for arranging your area to help you have the best comfort and posture for your health. Making ergonomic changes to the way your lower body is positioned while you sit can prevent back problems, leg pain and fatigue.Be sure to check back for our next article about ergonomics for the upper body.

Position of your Back
Problem: Constant leaning, reaching, and poor posture while sitting can alter the natural curves of your spine and cause damage to your discs and nerves.

Try This: Find a good chair with lower back support, or add a back-rest cushion to the chair. Try to keep all important equipment and documents within arm’s reach.

Position of your Legs
Problem: When your legs don’t reach the floor properly, it can put stress on your lower back and the nerves that go down your legs.

Try This: When sitting, your thighs should be parallel to the floor and your legs should be slightly bent with both feet squarely on the floor. When using an adjustable chair, first stand next to it and change the height of the sitting surface so it’s just below your kneecaps. If your feet do not reach the ground and your chair does not adjust, try putting a low stool under your feet. Avoid crossing your legs. When driving, remember to position your seat so your legs are slightly bent when your foot is on the pedals.

Chiropractic Coaching and Care for Sitting Stress. Our team at Amazing Life Chiropractic is specially trained to aid in prevention of spinal, muscular or neurological problems related to extended sitting. We can also coach you through stretches and ergonomic adjustments you can use at home or at work to improve health and reduce the stress caused by sitting all day. We look forward to helping you have happier sitting and a healthier life!

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The Biggest Myths About Hypnosis

7/31/2017

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master with a practice in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP. She offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding path, purpose and peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and living with joyful purpose. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems. All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.

Hypnosis is a heighten state of suggestibility and therapy modality, as well as, a self-help technique and a stage entertainment. It has been around for a long time and there are many methods of use for hypnosis. It is actually a very natural state that we have all experienced. It can be used in a therapeutic setting to help us in dealing in many ways. Over the years, the portrayal of hypnosis in stage shows and in movies and television or books has led to many myths and misconceptions about hypnosis. It has a mysterious reputation in many regards that is not deserved.

I would like to clear up some of those myths and provide a better idea of what hypnosis is and what it is not. As a double certified Master Hypnotherapist, hypnosis is one of the most valuable tools I use in helping clients to move forward and make the changes they want to achieve their dreams and goals or find a sense of peace in their lives.

Myths:

#1 – Only those who are weak-willed or gullible can be hypnotized.

False: Anyone with an IQ over 70, a willingness to be hypnotized and the ability to focus and follow simple instructions can be hypnotized. Recent studied have confirmed that different people may need different methods to induce hypnosis, but if they are willing they can be hypnotized.

#2 – Hypnosis is mind control and may cause you to loss conscious or have amnesia.

False: In hypnosis, the client is never under the control of the hypnotist. They remain totally conscious and generally have a heightened sense of focus and awareness. The hypnotist is simply a facilitator guiding the client through the process. It is extremely difficult to get someone to do something under hypnosis that they do not want to do. That being said, stage hypnotists do get people to do some strange things. The explanation for this, is that those who volunteer are generally inclined to be more extroverted and in a state of exhilaration caused by the show and stage excitement. They are inclined to go along with silly suggestions, much like those who behave out of character when intoxicated of in a party atmosphere.

#3 – Hypnosis is like a truth serum and you cannot lie while hypnotized.

False: This is blatantly false. People can and do lie as easily when hypnotized, as not and cannot be made to confess or tell the truth, if they are otherwise inclined.

#4 – Hypnosis is dangerous and you might get stuck in hypnosis.

False: Once again, blatantly false! Hypnosis is a natural state that we have all experienced and go in and out of every day. Just before falling sleep, upon waking and while watching TV, movies, sometimes while driving on the highway or reading a book are common times when people enter an “environmental hypnosis”. It is not possible to get stuck in hypnosis even if the hypnotist does not count you out, you will emerge from hypnosis as soon as your body and mind enter a new state and can be done by yawning, stretching or move to a new position.

#5 – Hypnosis is a “Miracle Cure” that works for everyone and everything.

False: While hypnosis is very effective there is nothing that works for everything and everyone and it cannot be guaranteed to work. It is highly dependent on the motivation of the client whether it will be effective.

#6 – Hypnosis is Sleep!

False: Even though the Hypnotist may say “Sleep!” while inducing hypnosis, the client is not asleep! They may have their eyes closed, but they are aware of their surroundings, have a heightened sense of focus and will generally remember everything that is happening.

#7 – Hypnosis is witchcraft or against religion.

False: Hypnosis has no links to witchcraft or black magic and is not mentioned in the Bible or has no connection to any religion. It is a natural state and will with heightened focus and awareness and will not make any inclined or susceptible to any evil or negative influences that they would not otherwise, be inclined toward.

#8 – Hypnotists are flamboyant or weird!

False: While this may be true for some individuals or stage hypnotists, it is definitely not a characteristic or requirement for the field.

#9 – Hypnosis will retrieve lost memories

Maybe: While it is possible to retrieve some lost memories through hypnosis, memories are fragile and “not always even true”. There is no guarantee that memories will be retrieved or that what you recall is exactly how things happened. It is always a recalled perception. Hypnosis is, however, effective in many cases at helping to retrieve desired memories.

#10 – Self-Hypnosis is the same as hypnosis by a professional Hypnotist.

False: While self-hypnosis is a useless state and can be of value, it is not the same and can take you to the same level of hypnosis and professional guided hypnosis.

These are some of the top myths about hypnosis. I hope I have cleared up some misconceptions and you have a better idea of what hypnosis is and feel more comfortable with it. It can be a valuable tool in helping people get past trauma and make desired life changes or build positive habits. It is one of the modalities I use in my Life Coaching and is amazingly fast and effective. Are there any other beliefs you might have about Hypnosis that you are not sure about? I will be happy to answer any questions or concerns you might have or set up a “Discovery Session” to see if hypnosis would be useful for you.
Email: [email protected] . Ask a question via the comment form on the blog or call: 206-566-1615.

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One Simple Trick to Control Any Addiction

7/1/2017

About the Author: Lela Bryan is founder and Chief Learning Officer of Nicotine Solutions. Lela quit smoking—happily and permanently—on June 4, 1978. She has been successfully teaching others how to quit smoking and chewing ever since!
Originally a high school teacher, Lela found her true calling when—after 16 years of smoking—she finally discovered a way to quit that actually worked. Determined to spread the word, Lela decided to leave the school system and use her teaching skills to help people quit smoking instead. Since then, she has taught smoking cessation classes all over the world.
Nicotine Solutions program is taught as a teleconference so Lela can help anyone, anywhere quit smoking or chewing. The Nicotine Solutions program uses a multifaceted approach to quitting smoking or chewing by changing behavior and routines, learning to deal with stress, dealing with emotions and detoxifying from nicotine without using drugs or gaining weight. Students smoke while they go through the program so they do not experience the horrible side effects of cold turkey.
You can attend a free Tele-Seminar learn to quit smoking calmly, comfortably without drugs, or side effects at www.TheQuitQueen.com
If you would like to contact Lela, you can reach her at 425-444-6616 or [email protected] .

A big red flag goes up for me whenever I hear someone say a phrase like “I am giving up drinking, smoking or drugs”. What’s the difference between saying I am “giving up” something or I am “getting rid” of it? On the surface it doesn’t seem like a big distinction between giving up and getting rid of something, but it is.

Let’s say that you had a big bag of rat infested, slimy, smelly garbage that had been sitting out in the sun for a while. When you were finally able to throw away that garbage, you wouldn’t say, “I gave up the garbage”…no you would say, “I got rid of the garbage”, or “I no longer have the garbage”. The garbage was not precious or important to you so you wouldn’t be giving up anything, you would be getting rid of it.

When you give up something that is important to you, will you get it back? Yes, because it was important to you. So from now on when you are coaching a client or if you are working on getting rid of a habit or an addiction, say I am working on getting rid of this habit or I no longer have that addiction rather than say I gave it up.

There are other words that have power as well. When you say words like “I had a craving for a cigarette” or “I had an urge for a drink” or “I need a certain drug”, it sounds normal on the outside of your brain. On the inside of your brain you hear those words very differently. I call these words “punch words”. Inside of your brain you hear punch words in a booming, evil, controlling voice that sounds like Darth Vader! When you hear those words inside your head you are powerless and your control and willpower are overtaken and you have the strength of a rag doll.

How can you quit being controlled by punch words? You need to stop using words like urge, craving, need, desire and want and substitute the word ‘thought’. So you had a thought of a cigarette or taking a drink or a pill. Big deal….so you had a thought. Thoughts don’t grab you and shake you or control you or throw you on the ceiling and then drop you on the floor. You can say to yourself I had a thought of a cigarette or I had the thought of having a drink. Thoughts are random. Thoughts are like a butterfly. You can’t predict when or where a butterfly will land, just like you can’t control or predict when and where you will have thoughts of an addiction.

When you first change an addiction, a thought about that addiction will come unexpectedly. Remember It’s just a thought and will probably only last a couple of seconds. So if you aren’t going to use punch words and you are going to substitute thoughts what happens when you are trying not to think thoughts about something like having a cigarette. If I tell you don’t think of blue elephants, you know that you will think of blue elephants, right? So when you are dealing with an addiction such as quitting smoking and I tell you “don’t think of smoking”, what are you going to think of? If you said smoking, you are right, that’s all you can think about is smoking.

How do you deal with random thoughts of smoking when you don’t know when you are going to have the thoughts? Let’s say that when the butterfly lands that’s the thought of a cigarette. What you can do is to acknowledge that thought and say, “yes I had the thought of a cigarette”.

First you acknowledge that I did have the thought, and then you ignore the thought. What happens to any person or garden or thing that you ignore? It goes away or it dies. You can also acknowledge the thought and then laugh at it and make fun of the thought and then ignore it.

So if you are dealing with an addiction, quit using punch words like need, urge, craving, desire or want and instead say “I had a thought.” Then, when the thought shows up acknowledge that you did have the thought and then ignore it or laugh at it!

Lela has set up 6 private Facebook groups that you can ask to join for free.

They are:
1. Learn How To Quit Smoking
No relapsing

No cold turkey
No weight gain
No drugs or pills
No painful side effects
No nicotine replacement

2. How To Quit Smoking During
    Menopause Without Side Effects

Learn how to quit smoking without side effects

Get help with symptoms of menopause and reduce the side effects of quitting smoking

3.   I have Quit Smoking!
And Help With Dealing With The Side Effects Of Quitting Smoking During Menopause

  Help with the symptoms of menopause & side effects of quitting smoking

4. Dealing With The Side Effects Of Quitting Smoking

5. I Quit Smoking But I am Still Using:
Chantix/Champix
Wellbutrin/Zyban
Vaping/e-cigarette

Nicotine
Patch
Gum
Lozenge

6. Learn How To Quit Smoking When You Are Pregnant
No relapsing

No cold turkey
No weight gain
No drugs or pills
No painful side effects

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Increasing Your Joy Quotient!

6/12/2017

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Practitioner & Reiki Master with a practice in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP. She offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding path, purpose and peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, the environment, personal growth and living with joyful purpose. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems. All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC.

“Increasing your joy quotient” is a matter of accumulating enough happy and joyful moments in your life to give you the resilience to carry you through the times that are sad, difficult and challenging. There are ways of being happier and more joyful more of the time and there are also ways to build your resilience. Both of these will lead to a generally more peaceful, assured quality of life that is more joy filled and happy. It is much simpler than we sometimes think to be and stay happy. The list below will keep a smile on your face and in your heart!

Spend time outside on a daily basis
Exercise and get the endorphins flowing
Get plenty of sleep
Eat regular and healthy foods to get the nutrients your body needs
Smile when you see yourself in the mirror
Speak kindly of yourself, as well as, others
Be grateful for what you have
Help others whenever you can
Set Goals
Follow through with intentions and obligations
Connect with friends
Listen to music
Spend quiet time alone
Indulge in daily self-care and nurturing
Be compassion and forgive
Play and keep your child-like imagination active
Be creative
Express your feelings
Speak out and stand up for yourself and your beliefs
Look for the humor
Laugh often and out loud
See the good in others and yourself
Celebrate your achievements big and small
Appreciate the small and simple things
Reach for help when needed
Follow your intuition
Don’t wait; follow your dreams now
Look for solutions; not obstacles
Believe in your abilities and capability
Visualize the live you want
Get a hug or give one

If you do all of these things you will have an amazing life; if you do most of them you will be very happy and if you just do some of them some of the time, you will likely be happier than most people, most of the time. We will all, always continue to experience times that are sad, hurtful, challenging and just plain feel bad. It helps if we experience an abundance of happy times and the resultant happy feelings to carry us through those times. That ability to buoy ourselves up through the storm of difficult times is referred to as resilience and there are ways we can develop this characteristic, as well. Below are a few ways to be more resilient.

Develop your skills and abilities
Practice problem solving
Set goals and write them down
Practice
Nurture yourself
Believe in yourself and be your biggest fan
Be positive and optimistic
Embrace change and go with the flow
Develop strong social connections
Have a strong sense of purpose
Be at peace with yourself
Take Action

If you learn to do the things listed above your resilience will grow and you will find that your ability to get through the tough times and bounce back more quickly from adversity will increase significantly. You will still feel things deeply and completely, but they will not defeat you and you will always see the light at the end of the tunnel and it will not seem so far away.

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Getting to the Heart of the Matter: Lessons Learned From a Heart Attack

5/29/2017

Thursday June 12, 2014 was a day like no other in my 55 years on the planet. I had donned shorts, t-shirt and sneakers and headed to Planet Fitness (a.k.a. The Judgement Free Zone) where I had gone five or six days a week for my workouts, which I referred to as ‘playouts,’ to make them seem more fun. I completed my one hour round of cardio and weights, jumped into my Jeep and drove home to shower and prepare to see several clients in an outpatient drug and alcohol rehab where I had worked as a therapist for two years. On familiar roads, something unfamiliar and unexpected occurred.
Imagine someone grabbing your jaw and gripping tightly so that you couldn’t move it. Then sense torrential sweats, long after having cooled down post workout. Beat skipping heart palpitations, lightheadedness, nausea and searing heartburn pain followed. I knew immediately that I was having a heart attack. Call it oxygen deprivation, but I didn’t go straight to the hospital. I drove home, called to cancel with my clients and then had the thought that I was sweaty and needed to take a shower. Common sense kicked in…but only to a point. I said to myself, “What are you doing, woman? Get yourself to the hospital.” I didn’t call 911 as I should have. Instead, I got back in the car and drove myself to my local hospital which was about 10 minutes away. I stumbled into the emergency room and informed the woman behind the desk that I was having a heart attack. Within moments I was whisked to the cardiac cath lab where a stent was inserted via my wrist which was a blessing, since the other option was that it be threaded through the groin. A humorous moment preceded the surgery as the nurse who prepped me for it, told me, “You’re going to hate me, but I’m only going to shave you on one side (in case I did need to have the less pleasant procedure).” I asked her, “Can’t you do a landing strip?” She volleyed back, “You’re on your own for that when you get home.” That told me that I would indeed survive.
An hour later, I was greeted by the cardiologist who showed me what my fully occluded artery looked like (a broken tree branch) and how it appeared once the stent was present (as if the branch had popped back up). He cautioned me about my condition that had multiple causal factors. Family history (my mom died of Congestive Heart Failure), elevated blood pressure and cholesterol, as well the highly stressful lifestyle I admitted living. I had been working 12-14 hour days and sleeping perhaps 5 or 6 hours per night for likely two years. Both parents had died within a 2 ½ year period and I had suppressed my emotions since I had been the social worker who interacted with hospice, the minister who officiated at their funerals and my mother’s Power of Attorney and executor of her estate. The grieving daughter had no opportunity to mourn.
This experience had been preceded at the end of 2013 by shingles that showed up on the anniversary of my mother’s death, which was the day after Thanksgiving of 2010. No surprise that my body was telling me something that I ignored. Turns out I was not alone. Many women ignore the symptoms as I did. I erroneously believed that menopause was the cause of my sleeplessness, dizziness and arrhythmia.
As I lay in the hospital bed, I was bombarded by thoughts of, “What if I don’t bounce back? What if I am incapacitated? What if I have to rely on other people? Holy sh*t, I’m only 55.” Well -meaning family and friends told me that I had to take a few weeks off from work to recuperate. I went into panic mode, thinking that I couldn’t afford to miss work. My boss informed me that he would not allow me through the door and that my co-workers would hold down the fort and take care of my clients.
I found myself lying on the couch as I watched the ceiling fan spin from the peak of the living room ceiling. I wrote copious articles for various sites and publications as a cautionary ‘don’t let this happen to you,’ message. I had promised one of the nurses who had come in to care for me in the wee hours of the morning that once stabilized, I needed to go out and teach women about cardiac care. I have since kept my word and have spoken to several groups about this condition.

According to The Heart Foundation

Heart disease is the No. 1 killer of women and is more deadly than all forms of cancer combined.
Approximately 1 in 31 deaths of women is attributable to breast cancer, whereas 1 in 7.5 female deaths is attributable to coronary heart disease.
Every minute, approximately one woman dies from heart disease.
Only 1 in 5 American women believe that heart disease is her greatest health threat.
An estimated 6.6 million women alive today in the U.S. have coronary heart disease.
90% of women have one or more risk factors for developing heart disease or stroke.
Since 1984, more women than men have died each year from heart disease.
The symptoms of heart disease can be different in women and men and are often misunderstood.

I came to discover that the first part of recovery was physical, as I changed my diet, lowered stress levels, started a new job for which I could work from home, took naps and attended cardiac rehab. The second and on-going aspect involved deep inner work. I have needed to acknowledge that although I didn’t have open heart surgery and am not a member of the ‘zipper club,” I had still experienced a trauma. I have always thought of myself as a resilient thriver who could overcome any obstacle. Feeling weak and helpless is a condition I did not want to have.
One step I have taken is to return to my athletic roots. I was a swimmer in my youth and into my early adulthood. Even though that has not been my chosen form of exercise of late, I do things that get my heart pumping such as 3-4 time a week gym workouts, walking on alternate days, dancing, riding my bike. I am training for a 5k in September called The Bubble Run. I have also joined a Facebook group called Ironheart Connect which was designed with athletes who have cardiac conditions in mind. The support has been invaluable.

Since that morning, nearly three years ago, I have dived deep, stretched wide and soared high and in uncustomary non-action sat in silence with my feelings until they became vocal in the form of sobbing and storming. The one who kept emotions at bay in the service of keeping on keeping on had died that day to give birth to the one who is typing these words. I say that she had to die since she was killing me. Killing me with overwork and under-rest. Killing me with co-dependent savior behavior. Killing me with unreasonable standards for performance in all areas of my life. Killing me with rabid disapproval. Killing me by not holding my own heart sacred as I did others.

Paradoxically, although I did not actually die; no ceasing of heart beat, I am prepared to die any day. I don’t fear it. I do fear incapacity and relying on others for my physical care.

Here are some of the lessons I have learned:

Leaning on another doesn’t mean it will last forever or be burdensome.
We never know when our last day will be.
There are do-overs and whole life makeovers.
I need not be Wonder Woman who exhibits ‘savior behavior,’ and instead I call myself The Bionic Woman who has what I think of as a bionic body part (the stent).
I choose not to let the heart attack go to waste and am heeding the messages it came to deliver.
With an open heart emotionally, I give my cardiac muscle the love that it needs to keep on ticking.

In celebration of my third cardiaversary, I am organizing a Free Hugs stroll on June 10th. If you are in the Philadelphia area, please join us. If not, hug someone wherever you are.

1 Comment

Do You Feel Lucky Today?

5/8/2017

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Transformation Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Practitioner & Reiki Master with a practice in the Seattle area, Northern Lights Life Coaching. She offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group life coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding path, purpose and peace. She focuses on integration of mind, body and spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, the environment, personal growth and living with joyful purpose. She has a second wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.

Do you feel lucky today or are you generally a lucky or unlucky person? More importantly, is there really luck at all? Are we, in fact, "lucky or unlucky"; or is it a matter of cause and effect and "luck" is simply our own imagination or conjecture. This question has been asked and debated quite extensively. Perhaps there is an answer or maybe not?
   Having recently returned from a trip to Las Vegas, of course, this question did come up. Was I lucky? Well, I did try my hand at games of chance and came out $225.00 ahead playing balckjack. Some people would refer to that as good luck, while others would not. The first day I gambled I came out $325.00 up, but on the second day I lost a hundred dollars. I was up a little over a hundred dollars that day, but kept playing and eventually lost it back, plus an additional hundred. Was I unlucky that day or was it bad luck?
   On another note, my plane was an hour late arriving, my room was not up to par and the workshop I paid to attend was not what I expected. Was this all "bad luck"? Was my balckjack win "good luck"? There are differing opinions on that, but is there a definitive answer to the question?
   Clearly, I had nothing to do with the delays that made the plane late and I did nothing to justify the conditions of the the room not being what I expected and paid for. However, there were actions and behaviors that were causative for both of those circumstances (though not on my part). So, should I consider it "my bad luck"? Were my blackjack winnings "good luck" or was there something else at work in determining whether I would win or loose? I am a very good and knowledgeable player having dealt blackjack on a part-time basis for mock casino parties for over 20 years. I almost always win, however, it is also true that if I play long enough, I will nearly always loose and on any given day or occurence of playing I may win or loose in a way that I am not expecting. Where does that leave us on the question of luck? Still pondering and uncertain?

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wise men have expressed differing opinions on the subject of luck throughout history and we are still debating the existence of luck, good or bad!

Several experts weigh in as follows:

In a Discovery series, Through the Wormhole program narrated by Morgan Freeman the subject of luck is discussed from a scientic perspective and it seems, -- Luck is real from a Physicist's viewpoint!

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjZn8WlzevTAhWFLmMKHVcqCz8QFggnMAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sciencechannel.com%2Ftv-shows%2Fthrough-the-wormhole%2Fvideos%2Fis-luck-real%2F&usg=AFQjCNFuOUGB2h9QAtrzqWBOZZmB2QVEMQ&sig2=Y1COJqqv1cPuLPba9DqYQg

It seems, "Even if you knew every physical detail of a coin toss -from the molecules in the air to the movement of your hands - that coin flip would still come down to fifty-fifty odds on heads or tails!"
Thus, according to quamtum mechanics and quantum uncertainty theory - the science of it says "luck" is very real!"

In an article in Popular Science, May 17, 2015, "The Science of Luck - Is the phenomenon real? Can it be harnassed? by Alexandra Ossola - the argument for luck being real or believing in luck is supported, but with a twist:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjZn8WlzevTAhWFLmMKHVcqCz8QFggtMAE&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.popsci.com%2Fluck-real&usg=AFQjCNF0ILbJbsWlxZIgu7n5Be35SUuwLg&sig2=t15UHhw5VJba8DviWtdd3w

Ossola states: "Many of these studies have found that what a person might perceive as “luck” has more to do with psychology than probability; "luck" is actually just her own positive attitude that keeps her open to new opportunities or perceiving patterns in random acts of chance."
This gives evidence that there is possibly a strong element to attitude or mindset as to whether a person is "lucky" or "unlucky" generally or on any given day, even considering the belief that luck is scientifically real.

However, there is an entirely opposing view. Although, this perspective also accepts the existence of randomness, they explain what is usually referred to as luck in an entirely different way leading to the belief that there is "no such thing as luck"!

http://humanscience.wikia.com/wiki/Theory_of_Luck#

This theory uses resources like The Secret and The Law of Attraction and concludes that the inner creates the outer. It supposes that are values ultimately determine our luck and that we can thus have a determining factor in the outcome of things. The article states, "Luck occurs when we suddenly tap the power of the causal plane. When we live and express higher values, we enter the causal plane and luck rushes in."

And still, another viewpoint is that there is "no such thing as luck", simply claiming that everything relies on cause and effect and does not consider outside factors in the equation. In an article in Elite, Alice Panikian concludes:

"We are all responsible for ourselves. No one else is to blame for our situation. We are where we are because of our past actions and reactions. You are only a victim if you allow yourself to be one. So take every negative situation as an opportunity to better yourself and your circumstances. The only thing getting in your way to happiness is YOU." Alice Panikian | Elite.

So, it appears there is not a real concensus on the subject of luck and different people may choose to embrace one explanation or another and see things from that perspective. I tend to see some merit in each explanation. I do believe the science and I do believe that we do influence the the outcome of things both by our beliefs and our attitudes and I do definitely think that there is an overriding factor of randomness at work in the world.
Ultimately, I choose to believe in luck, miracles and magic. It is totally an emotional and subjective choice and I recognize the possible illogic of it! So, "Good Luck!" in love, money and life - whether you believe in it, or not! And yes, I do feel "lucky" today - lucky and blessed!

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Essential Oils: A Natural Way to Reduce Stress

4/19/2017

About the Author: Victoria Sexton is the founder and formulator for Victoria's Botanicals, an aromatherapy company. After studying aromatherapy at Bastyr University, she decided to open her own business sharing her essential oil creations with the world. Victoria’s ninja skill is blending essential oils that not only smell good but have a therapeutic purpose, as well.
Victoria creates easy to use and amazing smelling aromatherapy products- both custom and through her aromatherapy product line, Victoria's Botanicals. The products are EASY to use, already diluted and ready to go.
You can check out all of our products at:
https://victoriasbotanicals.com
Want to learn how you can use an essential oil diffuser? Sign up here for Victoria's FREE training, Diffuser 101. It covers everything you would want to know about diffusers, from what kind of diffuser to get, what to put in it and how to clean it. We'll see you in class. Go to www.diffuser101.com to get all the info.

These days everyone seems to be experiencing stress. One way to combat stress is by using essential oils, also known as aromatherapy.
Essential oils are made by steam distilling natural flowers, plants, bark or fruit peel. Essential oils are extremely concentrated; a little goes a long way. For that reason, I recommend that you dilute your oils if you apply topically.
You can use essential oils topically, just be sure to properly dilute the oils. A 1-2% dilution is appropriate for topical use for ages 10 and up. That's just 7-14 drops per ounce. You don't need a lot of essential oil to achieve results.
While topical usage is very popular, the easiest way to use essential oils is with an electric essential oil diffuser. Just a few drops, along with some tap water and your whole room can smell amazing. Many people use citrus essential oils as their “happy oil”. Use scents that make you happy.
Keep in mind which scents are relaxing to you. Which scent makes you feel happy, lighten the mood or just smells really good. Scent is a funny thing. Scent carries with it memories from our past (both good and bad) that can trigger emotion. This is something to keep in mind when deciding on a relaxing essential oil.

Here are a few ways to combat stress using essential oils.
1) Take your essential oils with you throughout the day
Essential oils can be portable. You can take your favorite stress relief essential oils with you when you're on the go.
If you're using essential oils topically make sure you use a carrier oil to dilute it. Almond oil, sunflower oil and kukui nut oil are great examples of carrier oils that you can buy at your local health food store.
For an adult, a 1% dilution is appropriate. That just 7 drops of oil per ounce. Roller bottles make for easy application.
My first recommendation is to use a diffuser. You can use an electric diffuser. If you're on the go you can use essential oil jewelry, a personal inhaler or even a car diffuser. These are low profile options and a great way to take your oils with you.

2) Use your oils during the most stressful time(s) of day
What’s the most stressful part of your day? For some, the most stressful part of their day is their commute. For others, their most stressful part of the day is getting the kids ready for school, or maybe that daily status meeting causes you stress.
My advice is to figure out what the most stressful part of the day is and find ways to incorporate essential oils into daily routines during that part of the day.
You can do this by buying a car diffuser or essential oil jewelry. Car diffusers can be helpful when dealing with a crazy commute, and the price point is less than $30 in most cases. Essential oil jewelry can be a great option for those who don’t have time to apply or re-apply throughout the day. If you have your own office at work, consider getting a small diffuser for your workspace.

3) Use essential oils when you’re trying to relax
Essential oils can be used as a part of a stress relief activity like yoga, meditation or even going for a walk outside. Taking a few minutes out of your day to meditate, or even just breathe, can make a big difference in your stress level. During that time, get out your essential oil roller bottle. Apply the diluted essential oils to your pressure points, hands or even your jaw line. Breathe. Relax.
If you like mixing your own individual oils try any of the following stress relieving essential oils:
lavender, geranium, frankincense, citrus oils like lemon, lime, oranges. (And remember if you're using citrus oils topically, use bergaptene free citrus oils to avoid photo sensitivity.)

2 Comments

Relationship Dynamics - Persceptive on How It Works!

4/4/2017

About the Author: Thomas E Ziemann is a Spiritual Researcher with over 37 years of experience in Meditation Practice and hosting Satsang’s. He has written two books. He is a Motivational, Keynote Speaker, a Published Author, and a Life Purpose Coach. Tom gives nationwide, uplifting lectures and teaches meditation and sculpting classes. He is happily married to his best friend. He has nine amazing cats that keep this “crazy cat man” busy. He lives near Portland, Oregon.

“The Loneliness Factor; Falling in Love with Love”

Oh Man…If only I could have learned this simple, but profound lesson early on in my lonely single life. Looking back today with more mature eyes, having become more emotionally grounded, I lament just how many beautiful relationships could have blossomed? Sadly, they never did. I tried too hard to impress, gave too much too soon, shared way too much too early on…the bottom line was that I wanted to make it work so badly…I got so excited thinking I finally found “The One” that I through my brain to the wind and acted impulsively…I smothered, acted controlling and ended up pushing these class act women away. That putrid stench of Neediness permeated my being.

The truth was that I fell in love with the “idea of love,” got swept up in its alluring euphoria and not the real person. This works both ways in any romantic relationship.…
This is still something I struggle with today; there is a fine line between being a man wanting to show his partner how much he cares and coming off too intense and having to be with her every second. Not giving her enough space to breath.

I feel blessed today to have finally become aware of my “glomming on” aspect of my persona; I have found someone who helps keep me on an emotional even keel. She helps me see the bigger picture. Truth be told, I almost pissed this one away too. For the first time in my adult life…I let my ego go; I didn’t try to impress her as I once would have. Talk is cheap, Actions show one’s true character. It’s worked wonders for me. Anyone can learn from my myriad of mistakes. If you are not willing to see yourself in an unflattering light, you will never grow to your full potential.

Don’t give up. Allow things to unfold naturally. It does no good to push the river.
If you’re reading this, keep the faith.… I’m a believer in that we receive the love we believe we are worthy of. Don’t overlook a potentially rewarding relationship because on the surface it doesn’t seem like the “Perfect one”.

Follow your heart…but trust your gut.

  “Pain as the Redeemer”

Every single one of your reading this has been hurt. There has never existed a person in history who wasn’t. Bitten once, twice shy they acted. Good advice is to take some calculated risks. Small ones often receive small rewards but may lead to great resolve by having taken baby steps.
Will you get burned? Perhaps… however the greatest experience you could enjoy maybe taking that one chance that defines your lifetime. When we close up our heart; we think we are protecting it; as a result, we become an island of isolation. We miss the good we often would enjoy by fearing to attempt. Ships are safe in harbor, but they are meant for the sea. It will take dogmatic courage to get knocked down 8 times to get up 9. No one says it will be easy. Life doesn’t offer any guarantee of lasting happiness nor inner peace. The greatest rewards lie just outside of our comfort zone. Greatness is defined by overcoming seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

Generally, it’s not people we don’t know who betray us. It’s the one’s we hold dear who can become careless or uncaring. Sometimes by bruising our heart we open the gateway to our soul. Take solace in knowing you made a go of it, make time to grieve then get back up on the horse.
Keep the faith.
Remember that which you are seeking is also seeking you.

1 Comment

What is Life Coaching and Who Can Benefit from Coaching?

3/21/2017

4 Comments

About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Transformation Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner & Reiki Master with a practice in the Seattle area, Northern Lights Life Coaching. She offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group life coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding path, purpose and peace. She focuses on integration of mind, body and spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and change facilitation. She is passionate about creativity, travel, the environment, personal growth and living with joyful purpose. She has a second wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems.

How Does Coaching differ from Counseling or Psychotherapy?

Shifts and changes in life are inevitable. The universe was created to change. Life is a process of constant flux and flow. However, often we become stuck along the way and we are unsure of which way to go next. Before you know it, a loss or death, the birth of a child, a job opportunity or a change in perspective comes along and your resistance to needed changes kicks in. Coaching is the process of defining what areas of your life you feel anchored down to or stuck in and how to take behavioral steps towards change, direction and action.

When you make the decision to make changes in your life it is both motivating and challenging. To committment that you want to create your life instead of reacting to events, is to take a huge step towards happiness. A Life Coach helps you design your future rather than recover from your past. In a structured process, coaching focuses you on achieving change and learning the important lesson, that whatever we put our focus on, defines our experience. Practicing disciplined conscious awareness, clients are urged to notice where they have been habitually putting their energy and learn how to "loosen from the anchor" so change can occur.

Coaching focuses on possibilities to create a compelling vision for your future life based on self-acceptance and responsibility. Rather than focusing on general insight, the past, giving a medical diagnosis or personality change, coaching shows you how to define yourself in the present though the patterns of where you put your energy in thoughts, emotions and behavior. A Coach provides someone for you to be accountable to while you pursue changing these patterns. Unlike therapy, coaching emphasizes changing your performance vs. healing or simply increasing awareness. By motivating you with multiple strategies to foster change and remain consistent in your effort, your coach will be your cheerleader, guide and your support while you adjust your daily behaviors and move toward your goals.

 What is Life Coaching? Life Coaching is a solution based approach to guiding a client to find the best resolution in achieving their goals or transitioning from one life stage or status to another. It is meant to be short term and focused on results, rather than processes. There are many different types of coaches who focus on different niche areas, use different caoching systems, strategies and healing modalities and they have different levels of training, certification and personal skills and characteristics.
As a Certified Life Transformation Coach and Registered Clinical Hypnotherapist, Certified NLP (Neuro-lingics Programming) Practitioner and Reiki Master, I am able to use various tools and exercises to help my clients progress more quickly through the cognitive processes needed to achieve change. Neurolinguistics (NLP), Hypnosis and the Ancient Eastern Art of Reiki or Energy Healing are powerful modalities that can be very useful, as well as, traditional cognitive therapy, emotive processes and intuitive guidance. I also use EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique in my practice, which is a combination of accupressure and energy work that has been found to be very healing in the release of trauma, anxiety and pain managemnet. Life coaching is well-suited to helping clients through periods of transition and facilitating the processes that motivate forward movement. It is good for dealing with fears that are blocking progress and hindering functioning.
Phobias can be dealt with more quickly and easily than with cognitive therapy or behavior modification and faster than most people would guess. Coaching with the tools of hypnosis and NLP guides the client to use the power of their own mind to their best advantage and to let go of limiting and unnecessary or dysfunctional behaviors, beliefs or traumas. Bad habits can be eliminated and replaced with good or more functional behaviors. Guiding the client to manage stress, pain and their own thoughts and to better focus on their positive goals, aspirations and dreams is part of the Dreamsculpting process & techniques that can lead to life changing transformation and desired outcomes. Whether you want to find your path, purpose or peace, it can be reached more quickly with the guidance of a life coach. You are definitely more powerful than you know and a coach can help you find that "Unlimited Power" within!
Most people want to feel happiness or joy in their life. That is possible for us all; -- sometimes a little guidance can feel like magic in helping us to get to that place inside of ourselves that will lead to those feelings. Passion, creativity and self-expression are intricate parts of finding that authentic you and the balance and harmony that is optimal in achieving your potential.

Who can benefit from coaching? The answer to that question is anyone who has a need to change or goals and dreams that they are working toward! While it is true that you can probably do whatever you could do with a coach on your own and a coach may tell you or guide you toward things you already know on some level (all the information is out there), you will reach your goal faster and more easily with the help of a good coach and may be more inclined to exceed your expectations. What would the Seahawks be without Pete Carroll? While that question cannot be answered definitively, they would probably be lots of talent and potential lacking some of their current direction and success. There are all kinds of coaches and they are amazing resources and usually individuals that love helping others achieve their goals. I strongly believe in reaching out for help in my own life and have done so when needed. Most recently, I have reached out for help from a speaking coach to help me become a more competent and less fearful speaker. It is not necessary to reinvent the wheel every time we face a challenge beyond our current expereince level. Almost every situation we will ever face in life has been successfully dealt with by someone. It only makes sense to reach out when we come to a place in life where we are stuck and don't know where to go. Having as many options as possible can only enhance the odds of succeeding.

How do you find a good coach? What should you look for in a coach? As with any other service professional finding the right match for you personally can make all the difference in your results. It is important to choose carefully and know what to look for. Coaching is a relatively new field and there are many different niches, systems of coaching and credential levels to consider. Before we get to those, the very most important qualification for a Life Coach is probably some expereince with life and dealing with it to reach a level of relative success for themselves. After that, you should look for a coach you feel comfortable with and communicate well with. They should understand and respect your learning and communication style and be able and willing to communicate with you on your level. You should feel trust in them and respected by them. They should be a good listener with active listening skills, who will ask you follow up questions to understand exactly where you are coming from. A good coach should have the following qualiaties:

Empathy and compassion, while being able to remain objective.
Problem-solving and strategic thinking skills
Great Listening and analysis skills
Goal-Oriented and Inspired
Sets high expectations and challenges you
Able to explain their processes and answer questions
Open to possibility and new learning
Always working on growing and adding new skills

While having good credentials and training in systems, modalities and different coaching strategies is, of course, important and finding someone with specific expereince in the areas you are seeking help with is definitely important, the qualities the coach possesses as a person and how they match up with you, is probably most important. Don't forget to listen to your intuition and that gut feeling you have, as they are usually right.
The bottom line is that finding the right coach can make a big difference in your life and help you reach and exceed your greatest aspirations. You deserve the the best, so it is definitely worthwhile to find that great coach who will inspire you to be the "best version" of you and reach your highest aspirations.

4 Comments

Spring Clean Your Way to Happiness

3/20/2017

27 Comments

When you think of spring cleaning, what comes to mind? Deep-cleaning the house? Throwing things away? Simplicity? Happiness? It’s an annual ritual many of us go through. We almost always do it for practical purposes. As we accumulate more stuff we need to put it somewhere, so we get rid of some stuff we no longer use. We rarely do it for altruistic reasons, even if we give our things to charity. And, we rarely do it for its intrinsic value. But maybe we should rethink that!

In today’s society we strive to have it all. We work for it, we shop for it, we dream about it and we beat ourselves up when we don’t have it. We feel un-wealthy, unworthy and definitely NOT satisfied or happy! Why? Because we have been programmed throughout our lives to think that an accumulation of things is what constitutes happiness. And we use this accumulation of materiality to define who we are. So if materiality isn’t the answer to happiness, what is?

Let me answer by telling you a personal story.

A few years ago I was visiting friends and it struck me how simplistically they lived compared to me. They made more money, had fewer possessions and seemed happier. I had so much more - well, you know, stuff! And I certainly didn’t feel truly happy or satisfied. I had fallen into the cultural trap of always wanting more, and I bought it, racking up debt while running out of room to store it. It was at that moment I realized how much happier I was when I was younger and had less stuff. There was less stress, I had fun and if I’m honest with myself, I laughed and smiled more.

So, I made a decision. I really don’t need this stuff anymore! That isn’t what life is about. It’s about experiences and finding contentment, inner peace and happiness in or through those experiences. So I embraced spring cleaning year-round. And I embraced doing more of the things I liked to do.

Guess what? As I got rid of stuff, shopping only when I needed to, enjoying what I have and not stressing for more, I felt lighter, happier and dare I say it… more carefree! And, the less time I spent pursuing material things and instead focused on doing things that made me feel good about myself and my life, the more I sensed that deep satisfaction everyone seeks. In other words, I simplified my life and am happier because of it!

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, psychology professor and a leading expert on happiness, calls it “the flow” - doing what makes us feel good on the inside, not what we think makes us look good on the outside. In his 1999, American Psychologist article, “If We Are So Rich, Why Aren’t We Happy”, Csikszentmihalyi highlighted several reasons for feeling unhappy when our day-to-day activities consist mostly in pursuing material things and wealth. One reason was the concept of expectation versus value - the more we get the less satisfied we become. For example, you binge on a box of cookies thinking it will make you feel better, but the more you eat the less you enjoy it.

He also explained that the more energy we put into pursuing what we perceive will make us happy instead of what actually makes us happy, the less energetic we feel overall. If we really want to be happy, we need “flow”.

In his book “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience”, Csikszentmihalyi suggests three actions we can take to be happier:

Find out what really gives you a deep-seated sense of satisfaction and makes you feel more energized and happy when you do it!
Study what you spend your time on and how you feel doing them, then seek ways to spend time doing more of what makes you happy and satisfied and less of what you think will do it.
Take control, make a decision and take the necessary steps in your life to do what truly makes you happy.

In this same book, Csikszentmihalyi sums it up by saying, “happiness is not something that happens. It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather, on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy.”

Sri Paramhansa Yogananda espouses similar things in his book “How to be Happy all the Time”. In his book, Yogananda states that while there is material prosperity, people lack inner happiness because they look for it externally rather than internally. He mentions that happiness stems from being in control of your habits and what he calls “appetites” – the “over-demands of your senses”. He says that in order to be happy we shouldn’t be looking for things; instead we need to be content with what we have and in our pursuit of what we want. He also emphasizes simplicity, which he describes as “a quiet path of moderation”.

This quote from Yogananda’s book is a good way of understanding happiness as it pertains to simplicity: “Joy is too delicate a flow to bloom in the sooted atmosphere of worldly minds, which crave happiness from money and possessions. Joy wilts too, when people water it inadequately by placing conditions on their happiness, telling themselves, ‘I won’t be really happy until I get that car (or dress, or house, or vacation by the sea)!’ Materialistic people, however frantically they pursue the butterfly of happiness, never succeed in catching it. Were they to possess everything their hearts ever craved, happiness would still elude them.”

Now you understand that wanting and pursuing “stuff” does not lead to happiness, but does it mean to be happy we have to have nothing? If pictures of spiritual teachers living in absolute poverty come to mind, that is NOT simplicity and happiness as Yogananda and others define it. It means not buying things you don’t need – those “unnecessary possessions”. It means having enough. It doesn’t mean poverty or other extremes. It means comfortably living your life with, and doing, the things that truly make you happy and letting go of everything else.

So what are some ways you can live a more simplistic, happier life? Here are some tips from Yogananda:

Spend time enjoying what “God has provided, without seeking false and expensive pleasures”. In other words, spend time in nature, in quiet contemplation, in reading, or listening to music in a reflective state.
Make time for what’s important and don’t waste time on what’s not.
Minimize stress, financial strain and worry by spending less on material things and living within your means.
Let go of unnecessary clutter, the things that are truly not a necessity and keep those things that bring you inner contentment and self-sufficiency (he calls it “soul-sufficiency”) – in other words, do your spring cleaning!
Enjoy the simple delights that life brings your way and take time to appreciate what you have and what’s around you.

To be more specific, these are some things you can do to be in flow, be happier and live a simpler, more fulfilling life:

Spring clean! Declutter, downsize and make your home the sanctuary it’s supposed to be.This means not only rid yourself of things you don’t use, but also toss those things that give off negative energy, such as clothes that make you feel “ugly” or an item that makes you feel sad. Keep only what’s necessary and makes you feel good, inside and out!
Multi-task less and focus more on things that need your attention the most, first. Eliminate tasks that aren’t really needed.
Simplify your finances by cutting out unnecessary expenses or reducing them, spend less and enjoy what you have.
Spend time with your family. Do things together that don’t cost money. Eat together, talk with each other.
Get outside, get out in nature. Go for a walk or hike, go running, do yoga in the grass.
Make fewer commitments, learn to say no, and keep your obligations to a minimum.

Spend time without distraction every day. Don’t use your electronics, don’t watch television, don’t check emails. Instead, spend time meditating, in quiet reflection or observing yourself and others.

“Unnecessary possessions are unnecessary burdens. If you have them, you have to take care of them! There is great freedom in the simplicity of living. It is those who have enough but not too much who are the happiest." – Peace Pilgrim.

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The Magic of Gold Stars!

2/19/2017