Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Coach, Integrative Master Hypnotherapist, EFT & NLP Master Practitioner & Trainer and Reiki Master located in Seattle, Northern Lights Life Coaching www.northernlightscoaching.net & Embrace Change Hypnosis & NLP www.embracechangehypnosis.com. Kate offers workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on assisting clients in finding Path, Purpose and Peace. Kate focuses on integration of mind, body, spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creative expression and embracing change. She is passionate about creativity, travel, personal growth and enjoying life. She has another wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin problems. All three businesses operate as Dba's under Total Well Resources, LLC. Kate is a speaker, writer and event facilitator. She is also a radio show host on Contact Talk Radio, www.ctrnetwork.com/embracechange hosting "Embrace Change with Kate ".
Boundaries and limits are of primary importance to our health, well-being and happiness. They are the basis for self-care, self-esteem and self-love. When we fail to set boundaries and limits, we allow our lives to spin out of control and are unable to maintain the lines that define our needs, self-perception and place in our world. It is our job to define the boundaries of what behaviors we will allow from others and the limits of our own behaviors. Think of boundaries as the rules we enforce on others in interacting with us to keep us feeling safe and respected. Think of limits as the rules we impose on ourselves to keep us behaving in alignment with our standards and with the acceptable standards of others.
What happens when we don’t have strong boundaries and limits? We get pushed around and end up feeling out of control or we end up pushing the boundaries of others in unacceptable ways. Either way we are out of balance and will feel overwhelmed, exhausted and disoriented or out of alignment.
How does this happen? It usually happens when we say “yes” when we’d like to say “no”, do things we really don’t want to or allow others to infringe on our space, push us to do more than we’d like to or feel comfortable with or be out of sync with our values.
It has probably happened to most of us at some point or in some context, but most of us do learn that to be happy we need to have these boundaries and limits. Some people let this get out of hand though and it can lead to anxiety, depression and lack of direction, over-whelm and even physical and emotional illness. There is usually anger and resentment involved feeling that others are imposing their will on us. While this may be true, we are actually creating the situation in not taking the responsibility to establish strong boundaries and limits for ourselves.
What can we do if we realize we have not set boundaries and limits for yourselves in a specific area of our life or in our lives, in general? It is not always easy to dramatically change our behavior patterns all at once. It is usually easier to take small steps changing one thing at a time and letting the people in our lives get use to the new behaviors, as well. There are tools, such as, hypnosis, NLP (Neurolinguistics Programming), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) to aid in these behavior changes. These techniques take advantage of the way our brain works to make it easier to replace old habits and behavior with new behaviors and rewire our brains to make these changes automatic.
If every time you go to lunch with a particular friend you find you feel exhausted and overwhelmed, ask yourself why? Are you letting them push you past your comfort level and failing to set the boundaries that align with your true feelings? To keep our boundaries strong, we have to be aware of our feelings and adjust our behaviors and what we allow from others on a continuous basis. We have to be tuned in to our inner voices and the messages we receive on a body, mind, spirit level. There is no other way to keep strong boundaries and limits and maintain harmony and balance in your life than listening to your inner wisdom and paying attention. Give yourself this gift. You deserve it!
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