We all have experiences in life that are defining and life changing; making us who we are. The lessons they teach us are important and usually meant to guide us on our journey. We sometimes forget them though, and it takes an event to remind us and get us back to our true self. I had one of those experiences last year. I was invited to attend the National Personal Development Symposium held at the Harvard Faculty Club in Boston, MA. It was an honor, an opportunity and a great learning experience. I had the opportunity to speak to very prestigious colleagues from across the country and to learn from them. It was, however, with great hesitation that I decided to participate at the event. My hesitation was due to my long-held fear and anxiety over speaking in front of large groups. As I listened to these polished and inspiring speakers, I will have to say that my anxiety was growing and I was having doubts as to actually pulling off this challenge with any degree of competence, let alone "grace". Then a beautiful and very exuberant woman stepped onto the stage with more enthusiasm than you can imagine. There was something very, well- "shiny" about her and she sparkled, quite literally with bright colorful stars. She had them on her face and she passed them out to her audience. She was Shiny Burcu Unsal, "The Shiny One".  She told her story of who she was and introduced her book, You Are A Star; Become A Galactic Leader in 5 Steps. Shiny teaches NLP (Neurolinguistics Programming) with her own “shiny” style and is an inspiring coach and thought leader living in Los Angeles, CA. Her book is definitely worth a read and her talk was inspiring. It had a special meaning for me, because her shiny stars brought back a childhood memory that motivated me just when I needed it.

   I committed to speaking at the symposium at the last minute and chose my topic, "How to Inspire Clients to Embrace the Simple Grace of Change" with the thought in mind that I, myself, was embracing change and hoping to do so with some grace. As I listened to the other speakers, it was through that memory of gold stars that I garnered the courage and had the confidence to face my fears, knowing that I could overcome them. Thank you so much, Shiny!
  My memory was of first grade at Catholic School and reading aloud from our readers. Learning to read did not come easily to me at first, though I quickly came to love it. Reading was a challenge, as I was slightly dyslexic and very shy, so reading aloud was difficult. My teacher, Sister Mary of the Divine Heart, was pretty strict and demanded perfection.  We were expected to volunteer to read or she would call on us. We were awarded gold stars for our performance, that were put in neat rows in the front of our book. The best reader for the day was selected to put the stars in the books and it was an honor to be chosen. It was a big deal and I wanted more than anything to have those gold stars and be the person to put them in the books, but I was too afraid to volunteer. One day I was chosen to read and finally picked to put the stars in the books! I was so excited! Perhaps, I was overexcited or something got out of hand and I got a little carried away with the stars. I not only put a star in my book and everyone else’s book, as I was supposed to do, but I put lots of stars in my book and everyone else’s. Everyone seemed very happy with the extra stars and so was I. I still remember the proud and beaming little faces and I remember looking at those neat little rows of stars and feeling proud, confident and well, a kind of satisfaction that I can’t describe. It was simply empowering! 
 
  When I went home that night, my Mom noticed all the extra stars and after some coaxing, I was forced to tell her about getting carried away and putting more stars than I was supposed to in my book and everyone’s books. She seemed to understand, but insisted that I tell Sister Mary the first thing the next morning. My Mom told me that the gold stars were nice, but that I should know that I was reading my very best, whether I got a gold star or not and that I should read well enough every day to deserve all those gold stars! I promised her and myself that I would. When I told Sister Mary what I had done, she was not happy and told me that I would never again get to give out the stars. I had to stay after school for several days and write my name on the board, which was a punishment, kind of a "shame" listing. Strangely, this did not deter my determination to prove that I deserved all those gold stars and from then on, I volunteered to read every day and knew that I read very well. I noticed also the smiles from everyone when I read and that they too seemed to read with more confidence.  I always wondered If they were earning their star too, and if Sister Mary noticed the special "magic'" that those gold stars seemed to have! Yes, I knew that I had been wrong in not following directions and getting carried away with the stars, but I blamed it on the "magic" of those shiny gold stars to inspire my courage. Going forward gold stars have always had that effect on me and so, with Shiny's star on my right hand, it was with courage and confidence that I gave my presentation at the National Personal Development Symposium. Although, I told the group at my table my story, no one else in the room knew of the magic power those tiny shiny stars held! I hope that the next time you face a challenge you have your own gold stars or other “magic” to help you along! 

​About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Transformation Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner & Reiki Master practicing in Seattle, WA, as founder of Northern Lights Life Coaching. She does workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on guiding clients in finding path, purpose and peace. She focuses on integration of mind, body and spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creativity and change facilitation. She is passionate about the arts, travel, the environment, personal growth, family and living with joyful purpose. She has a second wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin issues.

 ​Change though it is constant and inevitable is a formidable challenge for many people. It is at the root of a lot of worry and anxiety and can even leave people stuck in the past or frozen in self-defeating behaviors and inaction. Why is it so scary? What can we do to make it easier to deal with and move forward with more confidence? I came across a poem that speaks well on the topic. It is titled simply, “Embrace”. Excerpts from an unknown author below:
 
Embrace
 
It’s Changing,
Everything is Changing, ….,
 
It’s already changed me.
I love the change,
The transformation fascinates me.
Everyday life as we know it will be no more.
Even the simple things have changed,
Rapid,
And irreversible,
Don’t deny the coming….,
 
Don’t fear that which is new
Does not matter if you love it or hate it,
Just so long as you
Embrace it!
 
--Unknown
 
This poem is so profound and yet so simple. It states very directly what is needed to overcome one of the most paralyzing problems of our lives. We must learn to “embrace” change! That is the key to dealing with and moving forward in life with grace and confidence. It is so simple and straight forward and yet, how do we accomplish this easily stated, but seemingly much more difficult task. How do we “embrace” change?
 
Some people do seem to move through life and deal with change with a sort of grace and simplicity that makes it seem easy and effortless. Perhaps, there are some secrets or keys that they are aware of, that do make life and change flow more easily. It turns out that much of the secret to doing so, involves simple shifts in thinking or mindset. There are some definite actions and attitudes that will lead you to dealing with change and moving forward with more ease and less drama and anxiety. It seems that would definitely be worthwhile. Charles Darwin famously said:
 
“It is not the strongest or the most intelligent who will survive, but those who can best manage change” …,-- Charles Darwin

When we break it down, most of the resistance to change comes from fear and that is what leads us to the worry and the anxiety that is so debilitating. The question is how do we overcome fear of the unknown and move forward with strength and confidence? How do we overcome the learned behaviors that keep us stuck and unable to move forward?
 
I recently had the fortunate experience of going through this process myself and it led me to explore this topic and come up with some of the answers to these questions. We are going through the process continuously, but I went through it with a conscious awareness that led me to not only write this blog, but to actually “walk the talk”,  as they say.
 
 I was invited to the National Personal Development Symposium last September, held at the Harvard Faculty Club in Boston, MA. It was a Mastermind gathering of leaders in the Personal Development field from across the country, contributing information and speaking on a wide variety of topics. I was honored and excited to be invited, however, speaking in front of large groups has always been something that struck me with that fear feeling in the pit of my stomach and caused me to forget everything that I had carefully planned to say. Initially, I thought I would attend the symposium and just participate in the panels and roundtables and not speak. As the event got closer, I saw that almost everyone that was attending was speaking. I considered this and knew I would regret it, if I did not take advantage of this opportunity to share a message. It was just four days before the event when it hit me, not only that I needed to do this, but what both my challenge and my message needed to be. I decided to “embrace change”,  to face my fears and move forward. I actually wrote my presentation on my flight to Boston and practiced it in the hotel before and during the event. My presentation was, “The Simple Grace of Embracing Change” and because I was speaking to colleagues, I modified it to include, “Ways to Inspire Clients with the Simple Grace of Embracing Change!”. It was, however, a trial by fire for me, as I was, in fact, “Embracing Change” and hoping to do so with some grace! 

It is one thing to research and find out the recommended actions to take to achieve something and quite another to implement and put them into action. I did not do it perfectly and it will take practice to do it with more grace and confidence, but I did do it and I am going to share with you some of the suggestions that made it easier and can be applied not just to my situation, but to dealing with almost any change that we are facing. Below is a list of some helpful mental adjustments for confronting change.

1. Reframe – Find a more positive perspective. Instead of “this is really scary!” think, “Wow, this could be very cool, an adventure!
2. Reorient – Recognize this is something new and acknowledge that. Take it in, realize what you are dealing with and that it is going to be okay. Possibly even awesome! 
3. Reset & Assess – In almost any new situation, we revert to what is called our “lizard brain” and very basic fear and danger warnings. We need to be able to question, not ignore, but simply question these warnings. Is it real danger? Do we have reason to be fearful? What is the worst that could happen? What would happen in that scenario? What reward or benefit is there, if we face that fear or danger? We need to adjust our responses to see the situation in a more realistic way and not respond to our “primitive warning signals”. 
4. Clear and Reprogram – Clear the slate and don’t assume that you already know all the answers. To move forward, we need to be able to look at things in a new light and see things from all angles. To do so, we have to stop re-thinking, over-thinking and depending on past knowing! We need to avoid being “too smart to think” and look at things from a real-time perspective. 
5. Adopt a “Zen” Mindset – This means knowing you “don’t know” and assuming nothing is absolutely true. Opening your mind to the possible. 
6. Reduce or let go of expectations. Be ready to accept what may come. Let that be okay.
7. Let go of resistance. Accept and acknowledge what is. Allow change to unfold and be open to the value and opportunity with an open mind. 
8. Look for lessons and opportunities to grow stronger and more resilient. Accept the wisdom & lessons and let change be your teacher and guide to inner peace. 
9. Acknowledge the new you. The small steps you have made to accept and to be  that change.

 
 There are also some coping skills and actions that accommodate change well.

• Simply take notice and be aware! Don’t run and hide.
• Accept your feelings about a change. Write them down.
• Read the Serenity Prayer. It is a powerful way to reframe your choices.
• Adopt an attitude of gratitude and see the opportunity to benefit.
• Choose your thoughts! Keep it positive. Write them down.
• Relax & destress. Deep breathing, meditation, exercise, favorite activities, eating well, sleep and general good self-care
• Set Goals that are smart, achievable and broken into small steps.
• Communicate and Connect.
• Reach out for help and resources. It is not necessary to reinvent the wheel. There is almost always someone who has faced and dealt with every circumstance you will ever face. Though you might find your own way, it is always valuable to learn from others. 

To sum up, approach change as natural and with positive anticipation; an adventure. Embrace it and go with the flow. It will be difficult at first, maybe messy and you will make mistakes, but if you persevere it will lead you to a new and beautiful place.
 
To confront any change there are three keys:

• You must believe it is possible!
• You must believe you are capable!
• You must connect and communicate to use the power of shared wisdom.

 
 I am happy to say I did speak at the NPDS Event at Havard and was told that my presentation was impactful! While I plan to work more on my speaking skills, I faced my fear and "embraced change" and I am so glad I did. I told myself I could speak with grace and confidence and kept that thought in mind. The next time you confront the need to change, I ask you to keep the suggestions I have shared in mind and see how they work for you. Let me know? I would love to hear about your successes.

​About the Author: Kate Olson, CPC, CHt, is a Life Transformation Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner & Reiki Master practicing in Seattle, WA, as founder of Northern Lights Life Coaching. She does workshops & classes, as well as, individual and group coaching. Her emphasis is on guiding clients in finding path, purpose and peace. She focuses on integration of mind, body and spirit wellness. It is her mission to help clients find joy through connection, creativity and change facilitation. She is passionate about the arts, travel, the environment, personal growth, family and living with joyful purpose. She has a second wellness-related business offering Salt Therapy, Salt Works Saltariums. Salt Therapy offers an all natural treatment solution for respiratory and skin issues.

  It is always with great anticipation that we welcome in a New Year! It signals the end of one cycle and the beginning of something new.  A chance to start over with a clean slate or another chance to once again, with new vigor and motivation, set upon achieving our goals, aspirations and dreams. It is customary to make resolutions or commit ourselves to a new course of action. It is the traditional time when we start the new diet, commit to make it to the gym or start that much needed exercise program. We resolve to eat healthier, quit bad habits, go back to school, get that job we want or quit the one we don't want. We vow to find the love of our lives, start a business, write a book, be a better person in any number of ways, pursue our passion, make new friends, get out more, travel, work harder or maybe less, spend time with family, control our temper, pay attention to our health, go to the dentist, climb that mountain, remodel the kitchen, reorganize the garage or clean and organize the house. Well, that barely covers it all, but you get the idea. We have a list of things which we are currently unhappy with and we resolve, once again, to finally make the changes we think will lead to greater happiness and satisfaction in our lives.
​
  Some people do actually succeed in sticking to and achieving the "Resolutions" they set for the New Year. Most, however, stay on track only until they start hitting a few obstacles and their resolve dwindles to excuses, "oh wells" and feelings of frustration, failure or fated self-determination. Why is this? Why do we start out with such a positive outlook and good intentions accompanied by the fireworks and celebration and then fizzle like a spent firecracker? Does it have to be this way? Should we make resolutions at all? Is there a better way?

  While we don't need to make resolutions or start our new goals at the beginning of the New Year, it is good to have goals and a plan for achieving them.  And yes, it is possible to actually reach your goals and there are certain behaviors and actions that will give you a better chance of not falling into the 92% that failure to keep their resolutions or reach their goals. If you follow the tips below, you will have a better chance of successfully achieving your goals! Remember though that it is not a race and there is no specific start and finish time for your goals, unless you set those deadlines yourself. It is not linked to the lunar calendar! You can start on your own schedule and progress at whatever rate you decide. However, if you want to make your goals come to life, there are some definite steps to greatly increase the odds. Listed below are some tried and true suggestions for achieving the goals you set for yourself:​

1. Choose a goal that is something you genuinely want, rather than something you feel you should do or someone else thinks you should do.  
2. If you want to achieve more than one goal, limit it to no more than 2 or 3 goals that you are working toward at one time. 
3. Be specific about what you want to achieve and write it down with as much detail as possible. .
4. Make a plan with the steps you need to take to achieve your end goal clearly indicated. Break it down into small steps.
5. Visualize your outcome and what it will be like to achieve your goal. How will it feel? What will you gain by reaching this goal? Really see yourself doing it and believe you are there.
6. Be prepared for resistance and doubts when they pop up (they will) and be ready to counter them with the vision of your positive outcome!
7. Share your goals only with trusted and supportive friends and family. You don’t need any critics. Surround yourself with supporters and positivity!
8. If you slip up along the way, forgive yourself and get back on course. Recommit to your goal! You will only fail, if you quit! You might need to make adjustments and change course, but if you persevere you will reach your destination.  

  Here we are in Mid-February and the year is well under way, however, it is not too late to “Step into the New Year with Resolve” and make those goals and dreams into successful accomplishments for 2017! I can and I will! How about you?