Avoiding Trauma, Drama & Chaos

​        I know that a little trauma, drama and chaos occasionally visits all of our lives. And, when it does, we must learn to deal with it and then let it go. We certainly don’t want it hanging around for very long and sucking all the joy and peace out of our lives or getting in the way of our plans and stifling our success. Have you ever met people though, who tend to live in that state consistently and bring it with them wherever they go, naturally sharing it with everyone they come into contact with? One sure sign, if you don’t recognize it right away, that you are dealing with one of these people, is that they simply exhaust you and you feel like a tornado has ripped through your life. These are usually not bad or evil people and for the most part they don’t mean to or have the intention of sowing disruption in your life and a lot of times they feel like a victim of life themselves. They usually think that others should be understanding of all they must endure and have empathy and compassion for their circumstances. If you yourself are going through difficult times, they will surely one up you and try to maintain their ultimate victim status. They rarely realize or feel responsible for the chaos they are bringing to life. Simply as a result of your interaction with or attempt to collaborate or cooperate with them, you too get to experience the trauma, drama and chaos that they bring. Doing so, if you accept that daunting challenge, usually entails a lot of adjustment, tolerance, alteration and flexibility on your part. It is clear that you, your time, your plans or what you are trying to accomplish are secondary and you eventually realize that you are allowing yourself to be disrespected and bombarded by their whirlwind of chaos. Although you can ask for some respect and consideration from these people by establishing boundaries and drawing that line in the sand, it does not usually work.   

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​       How do you deal with people like this and the way they affect you and your life? While there are many things you can try, depending on the relationship, the only real way to get way from the constant trauma, drama and chaos is to walk way and not allow these people space in your life. This is sometimes hard, especially if they are close friends or even family members. And, if you are like me and you seek to see the good in others or you’re an empath and you feel their feelings, it is especially difficult. On one hand you want to understand and you do feel their pain. You know there is good there, you see it and you even feel it, but keeping them in your life means also keeping the trauma, drama and chaos they have adopted as part of their lifestyle. You really have to ask yourself how important your peace of mind, your self-respect, your self-worth and your life itself is to you? Maybe it’s okay if this person occasionally transits through your life and wreaks havoc? You can take it, right? The answer is - No! If you allow this in your life, it diminishes your energy and your self-esteem and chips away at your confidence, trust and self-worth. I guarantee you that if you allow these people to do this occasionally, it will build into more and you will also attract more of these people and the energy they carry with them into your life. It is just the nature of the Universe that we attract more of what we allow, more of what we focus on and more of that energy that surrounds us.
        How do you make the break then and set the boundaries to protect your own energy and life to keep yourself on a more positive and purposeful trajectory? It is a matter of respecting yourself, first and foremost and loving yourself enough to say, “this is not what I want my life to be!” and then having the courage and conviction to walk away from them. You need to make it clear that you will only allow people in your life if they respect you and don’t drag trauma, drama or chaos with them into your life. It is their choice and it is not your obligation to accept and deal with their messy and chaotic choices. They do not have the right to impose it on you simply because they have chosen to deal badly with their life and not learn from past circumstances. If you do choose to allow it though, it’s on you – you have chosen to join the trauma, drama and chaos club and well, you pretty much deserve what you get. Make a different choice, get a different outcome! If you truly see value in this person, tell them how you feel and be ready to walk away. The best that can come of it is they may choose to change at least in their relationship with you and who knows where that may lead. Perhaps you both have won a better outcome and possibly a better relationship. If not, you get to keep your self-respect and peace of mind and leave the trauma, drama & chaos to them.  

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