These are all part of our human experience and cannot be entirely avoided or eliminated, regardless of who we are, how much we have learned or how happy and generally blessed a life we may have. Even coaches, therapists and people who spend their lives helping and teaching others experience these states on a regular and ongoing basis. Even the author of a recently released book on joy and resilience can have these feelings and times where life seems to be a bit overwhelming and hard to fathom. And, she did recently. For me, the month of March, 2022, was not one of my best. It started out with being ill. I have not entirely figured out whether I had a short-term digestive virus or there is something on-going I need to deal with, but it is better now. The first two weeks of March I was in pain and having issues on a constant basis, which led to missing a fair I had signed up for and the loss of the investment I made to participate. I was greatly disappointed in that. Then I had to deal with some home repairs and improvements that cost a lot and caused inconvenience. At the same time, I was realizing that people I had hoped would support me were not, for whatever reason, doing so. Despite knowing better, I took this quite personally. This led me to a place I would warn my clients not to go --- questioning of self, worthiness and purpose. I will tell you, despite a part of me knowing better, I contemplated giving up on my endeavors, walking away and not looking back. I was feeling quite unappreciated and very much like my efforts did not matter. I was telling myself this story, despite knowing it was wrong. I was letting the actions or inactions of others influence how I felt about myself.
It wasn’t just what was going on with me personally though, that was affecting me. When I looked outward and saw what was happening in Ukraine, how some people were reacting or supporting Putin, what was happening in politics and the many uncaring and unkind comments people were making, it was affecting my overall feelings, as well. I realize that I was seeing all the negative as that is where my internal state was and being an empath, I was taking it all in. It was spiraling more in that direction. Yes, I know I was choosing this, but it didn’t seem so at the time. It felt like it was happening to me.
Luckily, I have long had a few strategies in my life for those times when things get off track. One is, I pause making decisions based on these feelings. I say, “I’ll wait until, (pre-determined date) and if things don’t change then, I’ll do “xyz”. And, so far, I have found that things always do change or, at least, my perspective on them changes or becomes clearer. Next, I try to look at things from other perspectives and question myself on some of the thoughts and feelings I am having and where they are coming from. I try to be an observer of my own situation and emotions and that alone, sometimes totally changes the direction of my thinking.
Our feelings are valid and we can’t help but feel them, right or wrong. However, how we interpret and deal with them can make all the difference. We have no control
whatsoever, over other people’s behavior or actions and yet, it sometimes affects us. If we could do everything with no expectations, it would serve us best. It is natural though to expect people to do what we would do and treat us as we do or would treat them. This does not always happen though and it is beyond our control to do anything about it or even to understand it. How can we get past our feelings of disappointment, distrust, or even, betrayal? It is not easy, because we can not change or influence what they do or the affect it has on us. Sometimes we may find that we are over-amplifying the impact their actions have on us or diminishing our own power and sometimes maybe, we have valued them more than we should have. We are looking for support from people who can’t or won’t support us for reasons of their own. We want from them more than they are capable of giving. We think that others are capable of what we are capable of, and this is not always true. Especially when we are dealing with emotions and intangibles. It is hard to know what someone else is capable of or the reasoning behind this. Another thing that can help is actually naming and defining what you are feeling. Is it sadness, disappointment, heartbreak, a deep wound, betrayal, distrust or complete devastation? If you can name and quantify both the nature and degree of pain you are experiencing, it is easier both to deal with objectively and see what you need to do to overcome it. In my case, it began with disappointment and escalated to a small bit of heartbreak. Knowing that I had overcome and bounced back from much greater levels of pain was helpful in putting things in perspective.
How did I get through my bad month and spiraling feelings. I had to go inside and spend some quality time nurturing and loving myself. I saw very few clients. I worked only when I wanted to. This was somewhat forced by the two weeks of construction at the beginning of the month. I worked on getting my outside patio space in order. I am still putting together furniture, but have what I need to create a space. I watched more TV than I did over the entire pandemic. I binged the whole Outlander series and watched a few movies, as well. I read 3 books. I went out to dinner more than usual and slept in a lot, after those first two weeks. I wrote some letters and made some plans. I listened to a lot of music and didn’t do any of the things I knew I should, unless I absolutely felt like it. Coming out of March, I feel much better and no, I am not going to stop doing what I love or quit. I know what I am doing is of value and I know I am appreciated by many, if not always by those I’d like, expect or in the ways I’d like or expect. I am grateful and know that I am blessed in so many ways. I think I will spend April counting those blessings and expressing more gratitude! When I put everything in perspective, I have to feel blessed that I am only dealing with small disappointments and upsets, not the devastation that some are currently facing. That does not mean my feelings are not valid or that I shouldn’t feel them, just that perhaps I am fortunate in spite of them.
I am still processing much of the feelings I experienced over this past month and why they hit me as they did. There may be a message there I still need to uncover. I know it will lead to learning I can use to help others going through the periodic crisis that interrupts us while living otherwise very good lives. I have chosen to share this personal story because clients often see others as having blissful lives, untouched by moments of doubt or negativity and that is just not the case. We are all traveling down the same bumpy and unpredictable roads with lessons to learn large and small.
Blog By Kate Olson
Kate is a Hypnotherapist, NLP Practitioner & Trainer, Reiki Master, Energy Healer, Life Coach and more. To find out more about her or her work, click the links below:
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Living in Joyful Resilience: A Roadmap for Navigating Life's Ups & Downs & Simple Soul Thoughts : Collecting Moments of Joy
About the Blog
After 4 years of featuring at least 1 guest Author a month this blog changed in 2020. I loved featuring the posts of other great people who also believe in mind, body, spirit wellness. I will continue to feature articles submitted to me on this topic that align with my own mission. However, finding & reaching out to others is time consuming and I do it for my radio show, Soul Talks and other groups and projects and so for this blog i will be ramping up my own posts and perspective. posting mostly my own blogs. I will be happy & excited to post articles from those who submit them to me.