Healing Imposter Syndrome

     Being known and understood or recognized in life seems to be one of our greatest pursuits, but perhaps really knowing, believing in and recognizing who we are ourselves, is a pursuit that is both more challenging and more rewarding. As part of my own awareness and self-discovery and in working with my clients this is a truth I have gleaned over many years, much self-reflection and a lot of input and observation of others. Really becoming fully self-aware and having confidence and trust in the person we are at our core seems to challenge us more than any other endeavor. We are perhaps taught and conditioned to look outside of ourselves for that mirror of who we are so totally that it is difficult not to, no matter what we achieve or how much input we are intuitively enlightened by. Many of us seem to question who that person we are at our core, our "soul essence", really is. This is so common, that it has been given a name, "imposter syndrome".  I have to say that I am regularly surprised by comments or admissions from clients, friends or even colleagues, most frequently women, but men too, who are very accomplished in many areas of their lives and who most people look at as successful, or having it “all together”, and they are expressing fairly extreme and, possibly unwarranted, self-doubts. Some even to the level of feeling that maybe they are fakes or that the image that others see of them and their success is not justified. They will often express fears that everything will fall apart at any moment and their "real", inadequate and unaccomplished self will be exposed. For many this is a lingering and underlying fear that causes anxiety and keeps them from really enjoying their success or celebrating their accomplishments and the beautiful souls they have grown into. 
 
         As a coach, this is something that at first puzzled me greatly. I wondered why do we do this to ourselves? In general, I never saw myself as suffering from this “imposter syndrome”, because I have always felt confident of my abilities even when they were not recognized by others. Even before I had heard Richard Branson’s comment below, I always had that belief that I could do or be just about anything I wanted, with some exceptions for things out my control.
 
“If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes –then learn how to do it later!” – Richard Branson
 
I felt confident that I could do anything I really set my mind to and had the desire to do. Seeing people doubt themselves, even when they had tangible proof of their abilities and accolades from others just did not make sense to me. That is until I recognized it in my own life and then delved in deeper to look at what was at the core of my own feelings. This took some introspection and a look into how we process our beliefs, old and new.
 
            As I mentioned I have always been fairly confident about my abilities, but this does not mean that I have not experienced some pretty deep-seeded areas of insecurity and a lack of confidence in some other areas of my life. When we have securities, what is at the core of those feelings? Where do they originate and how do we form our beliefs around them?  It turns out the almost all insecurities originate in one or more of 3 ways. First, insecurities can come from comparison with others and finding ourselves falling short by our own judgement or preconceived values, our own or societal. They can also come from actual judgement and rejection by others based on preconceived values of what is acceptable. Lastly, they can come from a perceived estimation of difference or imperfection based on standards we believe or have accepted to be true. In short, our insecurities come from our perceptions and lead to beliefs about those perceptions. Our long-held beliefs then become our truths about ourselves, others and the reality we see and live in.
 
            I know this sounds like a bunch of abstract words that are hard to wrap your head around, so I am going to tell you about the realization from my own life that brought “imposter syndrome” and how it works, into focus for me. Up until about age 12, I was a fairly healthy-looking active girl. At that age my already compromised gut health and metabolism, as well as, normal hormonal changes and chaos caught up to me, although it would be decades before I started to figure things out. My previously good skin turned to a pimply mess of severe acne. This was devastating for me and I tried everything the doctors told me to do to no avail. In fact, most of what they did made things worse and I suffered for many years hiding my skin under makeup and avoiding many social situations to hide the condition that to my perception made me look like a monster. I compared myself to others and found my appearance to be unacceptable and inferior and formed a whole set of beliefs around this perception. First, I believed that anyone who saw me without makeup would also find me ugly and disgusting. I believed that no one would love me because of my unacceptable appearance. I believed that I would be rejected and excluded due to my appearance. These beliefs became my truths and since my condition lasted well beyond puberty and into adulthood, it became a very strong belief about myself and a lifestyle really. It was a big part of who I thought myself to be.  

        ​As the decades past and I worked on different areas of my health, first discovering my metabolic challenges of having low-thyroid and Hashimoto’s disease, then discovering and resolving the some of the gut and digestive issues related to that and then very slowly as skin started to respond and heal in accordance with some of those changes delving more deeply into hormonal imbalances and resolving those issues. I began to become someone new. Something pretty miraculous started to happen with all of this, some of my long held emotional feelings about myself, deep wounds, many self-inflicted, started to heal. It was when I started some pretty radical, for me, and intentional self-love though, that I really started to see some big changes. It was much to my surprise that I was noticing when I looked in the mirror that I no longer had acne. I no longer had bad skin. I no longer looked different or inferior in my perception, to other people. I now looked like a normal, reasonably healthy woman, ageing fairly well. I saw this to be true and acknowledged it. That was a life-changing experience for me.
 
            Here is the crux of it though, as it relates to “imposter syndrome” and how and why people experience it. Even though I am no longer that acne-inflicted girl struggling to hide behind make-up with low self-esteem, who couldn't seem to love and accept herself, there is a part of me that still remembers her and empathizes. I spent such a long period of time believing that I was her and seeing myself that way, that I sometimes I forget that I am not her. I frequently get compliments on my skin with people telling me that I have beautiful skin. Although, I have learned to say, “thank you”, without doing so, I am always tempted to explain how awful my skin used to be. I feel a little guilty, like maybe I don’t really deserve the compliments or perhaps, I’ll wake up tomorrow and that girl I used to be, will look at me in mirror. This is what is happening with people who suffer from “imposter syndrome’ in any area of their life. They are letting those old beliefs that no longer serve them and possibly never did, over shadow their accomplishments and the person they are today. They are choosing to live in the past, instead of the present moment and diminishing themselves in the process. The way to heal imposter syndrome and really align with your true core self and who you are today is through self-acceptance, self-love and living fully in the moment. This means challenging yourself to let go of those insecurities and be truly and fully who you are.
 
            You will probably not see me without makeup on a daily basis in public any time soon, as I have learned through many years of practice, the enhancements it can provide to one’s appearance. However, I know that I no longer need to hide behind it. I am grateful to have found the causes behind my skin issues and healed them, as well as, the emotional wounds, after so many years. I see and feel blessed to have beautiful skin and I appreciate it. Yes, like most of you, I still see the flaws, dark under-eye circles, uneven tone, lines and wrinkles, but I see the beauty too. I am sharing here a current, one-time photo of me, sans makeup, just to confirm this. As you see, there is no monster behind the makeup. Maybe there never was. Perhaps it was a matter of my beliefs. I certainly know I imagined the monster to be bigger than she actually was, as we so often do with monsters, and I held onto the belief longer than needed. It feels so good to let the monster go!